Table of Contents
2004 Gal Fridman
My Dream Maker
Leaving Jerusalem
1 Month
2 Months
3 Months
4 Months
6 Months
8 Months
9 Months
10 Months
11 Months
12 Months
1st Shabbat Apart
8 Days Apart
2nd Anniversary
3rd Anniversary
4th Anniversary
5th Anniversary
6th Anniversary
7th Anniversary
8th Anniversary
9th Anniversary
10th Anniversary
Challenging Times
On Fresh Figs and Spirituality
10 Random Things
Happy 49th Birthday
Being a 'Bad' Mummy
PHK
The Final Tzaddik
My Dream Maker
Leaving Jerusalem
1 Month
2 Months
3 Months
4 Months
6 Months
8 Months
9 Months
10 Months
11 Months
12 Months
1st Shabbat Apart
8 Days Apart
2nd Anniversary
3rd Anniversary
4th Anniversary
5th Anniversary
6th Anniversary
7th Anniversary
8th Anniversary
9th Anniversary
10th Anniversary
Challenging Times
On Fresh Figs and Spirituality
10 Random Things
Happy 49th Birthday
Being a 'Bad' Mummy
PHK
The Final Tzaddik
I went to Ben-Gurion airport last night to greet Gal Fridman (see biography) and our other super heroes from their wins in Athens, Olympics 2004. I got to touch Arik (the judo bronze medalist)'s medal and personally wish him mazal tov.
It's not something I'd ordinarily do – bother to go to the airport to “see it live.” Indeed, all other such historic events I've been happy to watch on TV, eating chocolate, lying comfortably on my sofa, because quite simply, “I get a better view on TV.” True – aesthetically the cameramen would've bought me something “sharper,” but I gained something else by going… something so much more. I don't think that “something more” was the champagne that sprayed over my hair as the Carmel (kosher) bottle popped open, milimeters away from me, nor the sense of being crushed as excited expectants broke through the police barrier when our heroes stood facing us. Rather, it was witnessing firsthand – being in spitting distance of all our Biblical heroes.
Also there were a blue-and-white clad dance group of early-teens from Pardess Hanna, the neighbourhood Tzofim (Scouts), family, friends, and other excited well-wishers. It wasn't as mobbed as I'd imagined, but that fitted with what I've learnt so far of Gal and the other “superheroes.”
Daniel said Olympians often have these characteristics – they have to work hard for their dreams so are self-disciplined, hard working and non-arrogant. With Israelis, this is even more so as the country simply doesn't have the resources readily available to potential Olympians in wealthier, more established countries.
For me, Gal made waves when he returned home to his teeny-bopping blue and white clad local dancers, his 4-year-old, overwhelmed ginger-haired, blue-eyed, cousin, and - most importantly - his parents, to whom he gave so many thanks. I'm sure he enjoyed the champagne bottle-opening in his honour, but standing by his family and showing us he will never forget where he comes from and to where he is returning, was the “something more.”
Points to Ponder:In his book, The Private Adam: Becoming a Hero in a Selfish Age, Shmuley Boteach talks about the greatness of striving to be a Biblical hero (the good guy, like Avraham the water carrier) rather than a classical hero (the famous movie star who never sees his kids). Such heroism is “based not on attention-grabbing but soul-searching.”
- Why?
{C}
“If I’m correct,” Boteach adds, “then the secret to a fulfilling life, and the first step toward heroism, is to master the art of goodness.”
- How do you perceive our Olympians' personalities?
(as reprinted on Jewish Agency Website)
It's not something I'd ordinarily do – bother to go to the airport to “see it live.” Indeed, all other such historic events I've been happy to watch on TV, eating chocolate, lying comfortably on my sofa, because quite simply, “I get a better view on TV.” True – aesthetically the cameramen would've bought me something “sharper,” but I gained something else by going… something so much more. I don't think that “something more” was the champagne that sprayed over my hair as the Carmel (kosher) bottle popped open, milimeters away from me, nor the sense of being crushed as excited expectants broke through the police barrier when our heroes stood facing us. Rather, it was witnessing firsthand – being in spitting distance of all our Biblical heroes.
Also there were a blue-and-white clad dance group of early-teens from Pardess Hanna, the neighbourhood Tzofim (Scouts), family, friends, and other excited well-wishers. It wasn't as mobbed as I'd imagined, but that fitted with what I've learnt so far of Gal and the other “superheroes.”
Daniel said Olympians often have these characteristics – they have to work hard for their dreams so are self-disciplined, hard working and non-arrogant. With Israelis, this is even more so as the country simply doesn't have the resources readily available to potential Olympians in wealthier, more established countries.
For me, Gal made waves when he returned home to his teeny-bopping blue and white clad local dancers, his 4-year-old, overwhelmed ginger-haired, blue-eyed, cousin, and - most importantly - his parents, to whom he gave so many thanks. I'm sure he enjoyed the champagne bottle-opening in his honour, but standing by his family and showing us he will never forget where he comes from and to where he is returning, was the “something more.”
Points to Ponder:In his book, The Private Adam: Becoming a Hero in a Selfish Age, Shmuley Boteach talks about the greatness of striving to be a Biblical hero (the good guy, like Avraham the water carrier) rather than a classical hero (the famous movie star who never sees his kids). Such heroism is “based not on attention-grabbing but soul-searching.”
- Why?
{C}
“If I’m correct,” Boteach adds, “then the secret to a fulfilling life, and the first step toward heroism, is to master the art of goodness.”
- How do you perceive our Olympians' personalities?
(as reprinted on Jewish Agency Website)
In the week before our wedding, Daniel and I followed a popular minhag and made the decision not to see or speak to each other until the bedeken. Apart from the idea of adding even greater excitement for the couple on the most important day of their lives, it also makes a lot of sense in that it helps avoid any last minute tension.
About 3 days before the wedding, lying on my couch in my old Shimoni Street apartment, I heard a knock on the door. I paused “The Bold and the Beautiful” and went to open the door. There was no-one there. But as I looked down, I saw a plastic bag on the welcome mat. I picked it up and inside was a copy – hot off the press – of the Winnie the Pooh haggadah we had produced together.
I remember shaking as I leafed through it. This haggadah for me, was the culmination of years of thoughts and ideas, creative paintings and fascinations with the brilliant philosophy developed by A. A. Milne, that until I met Daniel had been sneered at by others. It was a dream in print of my words and paintings, and Daniel’s ingenious and time-consuming formatting. It was something I never dreamed would come to fruition. I grabbed my cellphone and sent Daniel an SMS immediately. “Thanks for making my dream come true,” I wrote. “This is just the beginning,” was his reply.
I hadn’t thought about this moment until this week. Over the last few months, Daniel has been preparing for our big move to this new house in Efrat. What do I mean by preparing for it? From working out the best mortgage, to organizing insurance, to all the logistics of the move, including the overwhelming task of packing and unpacking. There have been days when Daniel has had to supervise Arabs who are working in the house; make countless trips back to Jerusalem to deal with the nightmare of the old apartment; returning to Home Center again; putting up paintings; clearing out old stuff; supervising the carpet; researching the best lawnmower and mowing the lawn; wiring the house and installing bathroom cabinets, just to make this house a beautiful home, which of course he has done to his perfectionist taste.
So as I think back to when he said, “this is just the beginning,” in terms of making dreams come true, I realize how right he was. But here’s the thing: for me, this isn’t because of the wonderful house (which of course is truly a palace and in and of itself a dream beyond either of our wildest imaginations). Rather, it is because of the way Daniel has behaved throughout. I truly never have seen this quality in another human being. Throughout this whole process (and by the way there have been a few amazing SASS DVD Productions amid all this too), Daniel has had a smile on his face. He’s not ONCE complained, or gotten angry or fed up. He’s never lost patience and he’s never been irritated by any of it (and that includes me not helping at all, most afternoons taking a nap). And I saw this all tonight too as he stood in front of a bbq for 4 hours, making chicken wings and burgers for over 100 people, not sitting down once, yet always managing that great Daniel smile for each and everyone of our guests.
It has been that, my love, that has been the continuation of your promise to fulfill all my dreams. Thank you so much for choosing me to share your life with.
About 3 days before the wedding, lying on my couch in my old Shimoni Street apartment, I heard a knock on the door. I paused “The Bold and the Beautiful” and went to open the door. There was no-one there. But as I looked down, I saw a plastic bag on the welcome mat. I picked it up and inside was a copy – hot off the press – of the Winnie the Pooh haggadah we had produced together.
I remember shaking as I leafed through it. This haggadah for me, was the culmination of years of thoughts and ideas, creative paintings and fascinations with the brilliant philosophy developed by A. A. Milne, that until I met Daniel had been sneered at by others. It was a dream in print of my words and paintings, and Daniel’s ingenious and time-consuming formatting. It was something I never dreamed would come to fruition. I grabbed my cellphone and sent Daniel an SMS immediately. “Thanks for making my dream come true,” I wrote. “This is just the beginning,” was his reply.
I hadn’t thought about this moment until this week. Over the last few months, Daniel has been preparing for our big move to this new house in Efrat. What do I mean by preparing for it? From working out the best mortgage, to organizing insurance, to all the logistics of the move, including the overwhelming task of packing and unpacking. There have been days when Daniel has had to supervise Arabs who are working in the house; make countless trips back to Jerusalem to deal with the nightmare of the old apartment; returning to Home Center again; putting up paintings; clearing out old stuff; supervising the carpet; researching the best lawnmower and mowing the lawn; wiring the house and installing bathroom cabinets, just to make this house a beautiful home, which of course he has done to his perfectionist taste.
So as I think back to when he said, “this is just the beginning,” in terms of making dreams come true, I realize how right he was. But here’s the thing: for me, this isn’t because of the wonderful house (which of course is truly a palace and in and of itself a dream beyond either of our wildest imaginations). Rather, it is because of the way Daniel has behaved throughout. I truly never have seen this quality in another human being. Throughout this whole process (and by the way there have been a few amazing SASS DVD Productions amid all this too), Daniel has had a smile on his face. He’s not ONCE complained, or gotten angry or fed up. He’s never lost patience and he’s never been irritated by any of it (and that includes me not helping at all, most afternoons taking a nap). And I saw this all tonight too as he stood in front of a bbq for 4 hours, making chicken wings and burgers for over 100 people, not sitting down once, yet always managing that great Daniel smile for each and everyone of our guests.
It has been that, my love, that has been the continuation of your promise to fulfill all my dreams. Thank you so much for choosing me to share your life with.
Miraculously Married
Baruch Hashem yesterday Daniel and Emma Sass celebrated their one month wedding anniversary. It was a joyous occasion. Emma bought Daniel chocolate desserts and carrots for their new juicer and Daniel put up shelves in "Emma's" room for her teddy bears. Emma booked the restaurant; Daniel drove and picked up the tab (but it's our money now!).
What did we mark exactly? What was the celebration and gifts for? Being married. Being married and not single; actually being married and not engaged. I always wondered what engaged couples were constantly complaining about; "for heavens sake," I thought, "you’ve found your basherte; you don't have to go on those hideous dates anymore; what's the big deal? You have no pressures of being single [finding someone] or being married [whatever those pressures are] so just enjoy." So first, I'd like to issue a public apology to all those people whom I was unsympathetic. Second, to all those who are engaged, listen carefully.
For me, being engaged was very difficult. Thank G-d Daniel was fine, because like I told so many others, had he have behaved anything like me, we never would have made it. I came up with various ideas of why it was so difficult: we didn't see each other so much because Daniel was working so hard; we were shomer negiya; I'm generally an anxious person, blah, blah. But that wasn't it. Being "engaged" is actually a fluffy terminology and means nothing. Despite the fact that yes, you are committed to each other and planning a hideously big party to prance around in a tight uncomfortable meringue dress and get 23 matza trays (we loved them all, really), subconsciously there's a door….which you can walk out of and you know it. In as much as you don't want to know it, you can't help it; you just do, so its there constantly, no matter how sure you are, suddenly there's a million doubts which are egging you on to just slide the door open a little bit further….
I realize now of course how it was G-d's brilliant test for me. Daniel and I had such a chivalrous, fun, enjoyable 2 1/2 months of dating. But it was 2 1/2 months and we just felt so lovely about each other and loving towards each other. But, during 5 months of "engagement" I started wondering (in negative ways) exactly who this person may or not be and specifically how he would plan to chop me up into little pieces and destroy the evidence.
Truth is, getting married is one of the biggest tests of a person's emunah. Would your G-d really put you through that; the self-same G-d you pray to; Whose laws you follow; and are really "committed" to? Trust Him…just trust Him. The engagement period, separates the men from the boys vis-à-vis commitment to Yiddishkeit because it asks you, nay commands you, to trust Your creator and His miraculous ways, and sometimes even more challenging, to believe in yourself.
Since the moment we left the wedding, until and including this very moment over a month later, I've had (and this is coming from Miss Anxious 2005) not one spot of anxiety. We've had arguments, yes, but it's with such a different flavour, because each night we lay next to each other asleep, in a state of total vulnerability, we are completely confident in the knowledge that we're together forever, for better or worse, richer or poorer. Because we're married. Because just over a month ago we stood under the chupa in front of family, friends, G-d and the souls of our deceased relatives and sanctified our union. And it's precisely that which means more than an engagement ring, a proposal, or any of the other symbols used before marriage to attempt to express commitment.
As Daniel locks our front door at night before coming to bed, and slips in beside me with his symbol of commitment in a gold band around his finger, I know the difference between being engaged and being married. In every sense of the word, the door is locked and it's just the two of us, please G-d forever.
Amen.
Baruch Hashem yesterday Daniel and Emma Sass celebrated their one month wedding anniversary. It was a joyous occasion. Emma bought Daniel chocolate desserts and carrots for their new juicer and Daniel put up shelves in "Emma's" room for her teddy bears. Emma booked the restaurant; Daniel drove and picked up the tab (but it's our money now!).
What did we mark exactly? What was the celebration and gifts for? Being married. Being married and not single; actually being married and not engaged. I always wondered what engaged couples were constantly complaining about; "for heavens sake," I thought, "you’ve found your basherte; you don't have to go on those hideous dates anymore; what's the big deal? You have no pressures of being single [finding someone] or being married [whatever those pressures are] so just enjoy." So first, I'd like to issue a public apology to all those people whom I was unsympathetic. Second, to all those who are engaged, listen carefully.
For me, being engaged was very difficult. Thank G-d Daniel was fine, because like I told so many others, had he have behaved anything like me, we never would have made it. I came up with various ideas of why it was so difficult: we didn't see each other so much because Daniel was working so hard; we were shomer negiya; I'm generally an anxious person, blah, blah. But that wasn't it. Being "engaged" is actually a fluffy terminology and means nothing. Despite the fact that yes, you are committed to each other and planning a hideously big party to prance around in a tight uncomfortable meringue dress and get 23 matza trays (we loved them all, really), subconsciously there's a door….which you can walk out of and you know it. In as much as you don't want to know it, you can't help it; you just do, so its there constantly, no matter how sure you are, suddenly there's a million doubts which are egging you on to just slide the door open a little bit further….
I realize now of course how it was G-d's brilliant test for me. Daniel and I had such a chivalrous, fun, enjoyable 2 1/2 months of dating. But it was 2 1/2 months and we just felt so lovely about each other and loving towards each other. But, during 5 months of "engagement" I started wondering (in negative ways) exactly who this person may or not be and specifically how he would plan to chop me up into little pieces and destroy the evidence.
Truth is, getting married is one of the biggest tests of a person's emunah. Would your G-d really put you through that; the self-same G-d you pray to; Whose laws you follow; and are really "committed" to? Trust Him…just trust Him. The engagement period, separates the men from the boys vis-à-vis commitment to Yiddishkeit because it asks you, nay commands you, to trust Your creator and His miraculous ways, and sometimes even more challenging, to believe in yourself.
Since the moment we left the wedding, until and including this very moment over a month later, I've had (and this is coming from Miss Anxious 2005) not one spot of anxiety. We've had arguments, yes, but it's with such a different flavour, because each night we lay next to each other asleep, in a state of total vulnerability, we are completely confident in the knowledge that we're together forever, for better or worse, richer or poorer. Because we're married. Because just over a month ago we stood under the chupa in front of family, friends, G-d and the souls of our deceased relatives and sanctified our union. And it's precisely that which means more than an engagement ring, a proposal, or any of the other symbols used before marriage to attempt to express commitment.
As Daniel locks our front door at night before coming to bed, and slips in beside me with his symbol of commitment in a gold band around his finger, I know the difference between being engaged and being married. In every sense of the word, the door is locked and it's just the two of us, please G-d forever.
Amen.
2nd Month of Bliss
Friday G-d willing we'll celebrate our 2nd month anniversary. I say "G-d-willing" because it never ceases to strike me these days what a miracle and gift it is to be married to Daniel R. Sass (of Sass Video Productions, formerly lawyer in Portland, somewhere in the United States of America).
It's a rather strange feeling. Just last Shavuot – one year ago – I was chomping my way through a sugar-free polystyrene cheesecake with the 90% diabetic community in Netanya, mum included. I didn't even have a sniff of a boyfriend, let alone a serious relationship. Everything seemed hopeless, indeed was, until a few months later when I met aforementioned Sassy man. Today, I can't believe how happy I am, a feeling that terrifies the living daylights out of me! (So Jewish –ed.!)
So what's happened in this second month of marital bliss? I'm still just as deliriously excited at being Emma Sass (or "EmmaS ass" for those who haven't yet worked it out) and every time I hear the name I feel suddenly more grown up; like I've commanded more respect, that in someway, covering my hair with a cute little Winnie-the-Pooh hat (have you ever?...) makes me more "adult."
It is of course a mindset rather than a name change. Good friends have noticed changes. I was always a homebody but now I'm able to potter around the house for someone, not just myself (this is of course helped by the new Tupperware I acquired at bridal shower). Friends with kids marvel at how no matter what they do, their boys will be boys and the girls, well, girls. For example, one friend with 4 girls who then had a boy, claimed that on giving the boy a doll, he threw it on the floor and spat at it; a behaviour never witnessed in any of her girls.
And so it's been with me. In as much as I feel like a strong, independent woman, I simply adore the roles to which we've both cleaved. Daniel is incredibly strong (really, would I've married a pushover?), together, and capable and is forever putting up hooks and engaging in all sorts of miscellaneous "bits" (for want of a more technical word) around the house. Although I'm no gourmet chef, once I find something Daniel likes to eat (which isn't that difficult; he's almost as non-discriminatory as Gal), I'm constantly going into the studio with it: be it a peeled carrot; some leftover ice-cream topping I've used to make chocolate balls, or some new pretzels I've found in the store. (If anyone notices a major weight loss in hubby, please feed him real food…!)
The real point here, is what I've noticed 2 months into being married; that is how we've both naturally taken on our pre-determined roles as man and woman – almost back to caveman style – and we're loving it! For two individuals who've lived alone for so long, it's been anthropologically fascinating.
Much of it comes from the fact that neither of us pressure the other to "conform." One of Daniel's qualities I really admire is his self-awareness and capacity to make himself happy; he doesn't expect anyone else to do it. Hence I'm delighted to do something to make him happy and peeled carrots in the middle of the day do a little… although he'll probably tell you he'd prefer a new gadget or some meat!!!
With thanks for yet another glorious month…
Friday G-d willing we'll celebrate our 2nd month anniversary. I say "G-d-willing" because it never ceases to strike me these days what a miracle and gift it is to be married to Daniel R. Sass (of Sass Video Productions, formerly lawyer in Portland, somewhere in the United States of America).
It's a rather strange feeling. Just last Shavuot – one year ago – I was chomping my way through a sugar-free polystyrene cheesecake with the 90% diabetic community in Netanya, mum included. I didn't even have a sniff of a boyfriend, let alone a serious relationship. Everything seemed hopeless, indeed was, until a few months later when I met aforementioned Sassy man. Today, I can't believe how happy I am, a feeling that terrifies the living daylights out of me! (So Jewish –ed.!)
So what's happened in this second month of marital bliss? I'm still just as deliriously excited at being Emma Sass (or "EmmaS ass" for those who haven't yet worked it out) and every time I hear the name I feel suddenly more grown up; like I've commanded more respect, that in someway, covering my hair with a cute little Winnie-the-Pooh hat (have you ever?...) makes me more "adult."
It is of course a mindset rather than a name change. Good friends have noticed changes. I was always a homebody but now I'm able to potter around the house for someone, not just myself (this is of course helped by the new Tupperware I acquired at bridal shower). Friends with kids marvel at how no matter what they do, their boys will be boys and the girls, well, girls. For example, one friend with 4 girls who then had a boy, claimed that on giving the boy a doll, he threw it on the floor and spat at it; a behaviour never witnessed in any of her girls.
And so it's been with me. In as much as I feel like a strong, independent woman, I simply adore the roles to which we've both cleaved. Daniel is incredibly strong (really, would I've married a pushover?), together, and capable and is forever putting up hooks and engaging in all sorts of miscellaneous "bits" (for want of a more technical word) around the house. Although I'm no gourmet chef, once I find something Daniel likes to eat (which isn't that difficult; he's almost as non-discriminatory as Gal), I'm constantly going into the studio with it: be it a peeled carrot; some leftover ice-cream topping I've used to make chocolate balls, or some new pretzels I've found in the store. (If anyone notices a major weight loss in hubby, please feed him real food…!)
The real point here, is what I've noticed 2 months into being married; that is how we've both naturally taken on our pre-determined roles as man and woman – almost back to caveman style – and we're loving it! For two individuals who've lived alone for so long, it's been anthropologically fascinating.
Much of it comes from the fact that neither of us pressure the other to "conform." One of Daniel's qualities I really admire is his self-awareness and capacity to make himself happy; he doesn't expect anyone else to do it. Hence I'm delighted to do something to make him happy and peeled carrots in the middle of the day do a little… although he'll probably tell you he'd prefer a new gadget or some meat!!!
With thanks for yet another glorious month…
3 in 3: 3 Things I've Discovered in 3 Months
· Women have more gas than men.
· Men "get on with things" no matter what.
· 2 – no 3 – is better than 1.
We've now been married for 3 months. I'm always eager to learn something new so every so often I try and reflect on what I've discovered, like a heshbon nefesh – an accounting of the soul.
In my case it's been of the body too. It appears my husband is far less gassy than me. While it may not seem so, this is noteworthy, since the "Good Book" says, we can learn something from everything. What this teaches me is connected to lesson no. 2 – that men suppress everything, while women express what's going on, feel things and phew…., let them out.
There's nothing wrong with either way of dealing with life's little bumps. But it's important to acknowledge these differences early on and, more importantly, accept them. The problems begin when you try to convince them to be like you. Example: I found out some sad news about someone, reported it to said husband who responded "well you never know Hashem's plan; it could have been worse." Rather than get devastated, I called 2 girlfriends. Another friend reported she had a huge fight with her husband, on reporting the same news. His response was "Well, it didn't happen to you."
When I hadn't quite learnt this lesson (and don't worry I'm sure I'll have to relearn it in the future) I was becoming increasingly hysterical. "If I died…" I said to Daniel following a fight when he had been forced to 'hold me a little,' "you'd probably be okay within about 2 weeks, wouldn’t you?" "Well you know me," husband replied, "I just get on with things." I sat there, mouth wide open, berating him for his insensitivity. "Maybe," he responded, "but" (he added quite correctly) "that's what you love about me."
It is true. I wouldn't have it any other way. While it's a bit of a tradeoff (I wish he would get a bit more excited sometimes), having experienced both types of personality with men, I wouldn't change Daniel for the world. It's great one of us is all-emotional and passionate, but with us both it'd be a disaster and nothing would ever get done because we'd be "feeling" too much at the expense of "doing." Daniel makes things happen even in the midst of mass emotion.
Rather than berate myself though, there's something to be said, for letting things out. First, it relieves any difficult movement in my lower bowels. Second, because Daniel will Baruch Hashem listen to my spiraling thought-patterns – however far-removed they are from his mindset – I feel like I've been heard and my body-soul rhythm regains its flexibility. For some reason he doesn't need to do this; or perhaps he just doesn't want to, but for me it works and I will continue to express, rather than suppress.
The other day I sliced my finger slightly on a blade whilst washing up. It wasn't too bad, truth be told, but having such a strong imagination the vision of it made me feel a little sick and I screamed when I saw it. I went to the sofa to sit down, feeling somewhat nauseas. Daniel dashed out of the studio. Gal barked, running to my defense. "Can I get you a band-aid?" asked first-in-command, as second-in-command sat stiffly on the floor by my side. "Sure, thanks," I replied, happy Gal was there to protect me. This time Daniel's method of covering things up was required and I was glad he was there. But it was far more than that. Having lived alone for so long, I was so used to just washing injured extremity, patching it up and carrying on. But I indulged in the knowledge of my two guards, and let Daniel take care of me, while Gal remained firmly by my side. It was all going so well.
"You know what he's thinking," Daniel asked, referring to Gal, after wrapping my wound. "He just had his nuts chopped and you're moaning about a sore thumb."
…And that's what I've learnt, 3 months into my marriage. It is best men keep things suppressed!
· Women have more gas than men.
· Men "get on with things" no matter what.
· 2 – no 3 – is better than 1.
We've now been married for 3 months. I'm always eager to learn something new so every so often I try and reflect on what I've discovered, like a heshbon nefesh – an accounting of the soul.
In my case it's been of the body too. It appears my husband is far less gassy than me. While it may not seem so, this is noteworthy, since the "Good Book" says, we can learn something from everything. What this teaches me is connected to lesson no. 2 – that men suppress everything, while women express what's going on, feel things and phew…., let them out.
There's nothing wrong with either way of dealing with life's little bumps. But it's important to acknowledge these differences early on and, more importantly, accept them. The problems begin when you try to convince them to be like you. Example: I found out some sad news about someone, reported it to said husband who responded "well you never know Hashem's plan; it could have been worse." Rather than get devastated, I called 2 girlfriends. Another friend reported she had a huge fight with her husband, on reporting the same news. His response was "Well, it didn't happen to you."
When I hadn't quite learnt this lesson (and don't worry I'm sure I'll have to relearn it in the future) I was becoming increasingly hysterical. "If I died…" I said to Daniel following a fight when he had been forced to 'hold me a little,' "you'd probably be okay within about 2 weeks, wouldn’t you?" "Well you know me," husband replied, "I just get on with things." I sat there, mouth wide open, berating him for his insensitivity. "Maybe," he responded, "but" (he added quite correctly) "that's what you love about me."
It is true. I wouldn't have it any other way. While it's a bit of a tradeoff (I wish he would get a bit more excited sometimes), having experienced both types of personality with men, I wouldn't change Daniel for the world. It's great one of us is all-emotional and passionate, but with us both it'd be a disaster and nothing would ever get done because we'd be "feeling" too much at the expense of "doing." Daniel makes things happen even in the midst of mass emotion.
Rather than berate myself though, there's something to be said, for letting things out. First, it relieves any difficult movement in my lower bowels. Second, because Daniel will Baruch Hashem listen to my spiraling thought-patterns – however far-removed they are from his mindset – I feel like I've been heard and my body-soul rhythm regains its flexibility. For some reason he doesn't need to do this; or perhaps he just doesn't want to, but for me it works and I will continue to express, rather than suppress.
The other day I sliced my finger slightly on a blade whilst washing up. It wasn't too bad, truth be told, but having such a strong imagination the vision of it made me feel a little sick and I screamed when I saw it. I went to the sofa to sit down, feeling somewhat nauseas. Daniel dashed out of the studio. Gal barked, running to my defense. "Can I get you a band-aid?" asked first-in-command, as second-in-command sat stiffly on the floor by my side. "Sure, thanks," I replied, happy Gal was there to protect me. This time Daniel's method of covering things up was required and I was glad he was there. But it was far more than that. Having lived alone for so long, I was so used to just washing injured extremity, patching it up and carrying on. But I indulged in the knowledge of my two guards, and let Daniel take care of me, while Gal remained firmly by my side. It was all going so well.
"You know what he's thinking," Daniel asked, referring to Gal, after wrapping my wound. "He just had his nuts chopped and you're moaning about a sore thumb."
…And that's what I've learnt, 3 months into my marriage. It is best men keep things suppressed!
“These are the journeys of the Children of Israel, who went forth from the land of Egypt according to their legions, under the hand of Moses and Aaron.”
There are all sorts of journeys we go on in our lives and at the end of sefer bamidbar, we go on what we hope will be our final one. We hope that after all the years of wandering, in the midbar, we will finally come to eretz yisrael, the land G-d swore will be ours.
Thousands of years later (don’t ask me how many), I feel like we’re in exactly the same boat. There are no coincidences and I really believe that there’s a reason we’re moving from our temporary Jerusalem abode in between the parshiot of masei (journeys) and devarim (things/words; more about that later).
Not to get too soppy, but before I met Daniel I did feel like I was in a wilderness, wandering from one place to another; one thing to another; one boyfriend to another. While I did have a lot of stability in my life in terms of family and friends, that one missing element gave me a sense of wandering. However great it was to be “living” in eretz yisrael, yerushalayim no less, I didn’t feel like I had settled there.
Now, moving to Efrat iy”H, we are going to be just that – settlers (although as Daniel says, it is “settlement light”). We are going to be settling down, not just as a couple together, in our own home, but we will be settling the land, the land that G-d swore to our forefathers would be ours; a land that is still being battled over. There is something idealistic about that and it is what makes our upcoming journey – our hassaah – much more important than a regular journey. It is what gives the hassaah a spiritual element.
There are all sorts of journeys we go on in our lives and at the end of sefer bamidbar, we go on what we hope will be our final one. We hope that after all the years of wandering, in the midbar, we will finally come to eretz yisrael, the land G-d swore will be ours.
Thousands of years later (don’t ask me how many), I feel like we’re in exactly the same boat. There are no coincidences and I really believe that there’s a reason we’re moving from our temporary Jerusalem abode in between the parshiot of masei (journeys) and devarim (things/words; more about that later).
Not to get too soppy, but before I met Daniel I did feel like I was in a wilderness, wandering from one place to another; one thing to another; one boyfriend to another. While I did have a lot of stability in my life in terms of family and friends, that one missing element gave me a sense of wandering. However great it was to be “living” in eretz yisrael, yerushalayim no less, I didn’t feel like I had settled there.
Now, moving to Efrat iy”H, we are going to be just that – settlers (although as Daniel says, it is “settlement light”). We are going to be settling down, not just as a couple together, in our own home, but we will be settling the land, the land that G-d swore to our forefathers would be ours; a land that is still being battled over. There is something idealistic about that and it is what makes our upcoming journey – our hassaah – much more important than a regular journey. It is what gives the hassaah a spiritual element.
Everyone Has Their Own Challenges
I vividly recall an incident from my student days. I was 19 and wanted a new hobby. Since most of the extra-curricular activities in university were free, I joined the aerobics class. Big mistake; I was useless. Try as I might my arms refused to coordinate with my legs, nor was I ever at the same place as the rest of the class. To add insult to injury there was a group of lanky black men who exercised like they were sitting on the beach eating ice-cream… they just made it look so damned easy. I soon quit aerobics, and moved on to badminton – but throughout the 8 lesson course I failed to hit the shuttle even once. Thus the end of my university sports career.
I am reminded of this as I observe with fascination how Daniel lives his life; he just makes it look so damned easy. Nothing in his life looks stressful, yet running your own business in a backward country where you don't speak the language; being married to someone whose middle name is anxiety; and cocooning both in stability, is probably far harder than hitting the shuttle.
I've realized now – 4 months into our blissful marriage – that this is just not Daniel's tikkun (task in life he has to repair/perfect). That being calm and logical comes as easy to him as writing nonsense using the word "black jack" six times is to me (new job, long story). That running around a wedding for 7 hours in the heat of summer just isn't particularly challenging to him. A bit perhaps, but not like it would be for others. Simply put, he does it like those lanky black men did aerobics – as if he's sitting on a beach eating ice-cream.
I remember when we were dating the phrase that I kept repeating was "he just has such a nice nature, almost like a little child." I see it even more now; he's unaffected. It's his nature to go with the flow, let things go and live life to the fullest – exactly like children do. Hence few children have anxieties and most feel they can conquer the world. In fact, most kids get into such crazy scrapes that it's quite a wonder any of them reach adulthood.
But they do. And Daniel did. And for that alone I am grateful. A couple of years before we met I saw some people bungee jumping and declared, "anyone who does that needs their head examined." Of course Daniel showed me the video of him doing it. And I wondered how he had. And realized that since it is available, anything he can get access to – in his attempt to live life to the full – he'll take, because that's what kids who haven't been affected do. There is no concept of risks, fears or worries. There's perhaps an abundant trust in life, or Hashem, that things will work out okay. And for Daniel they have. So no, it's not his challenge to remain calm; it's innate in him.
He has other challenges of course; no-one's perfect. But he's not hard on himself like me. He doesn't blame himself – or me – when things go wrong. He can accept situations as they are and move on. But with this nature of everything being great comes a slight sense of denial that nothing can ever be wrong. Like when I had to go to the doctor and Daniel accompanied me. In the middle of a neurological exam, Daniel's cell-phone rings and he yells out to the doctor, "hey, can I use your pen and pad?"
So I wonder if perhaps that is his tikkun; perhaps he has to recognize that there will be little bumps in life that will require his attention and that no matter how many fun things there are to do in the world, he might have to make time for non-happy events too. But hey, explaining that to a child would probably be like me trying to hit the shuttle!
I vividly recall an incident from my student days. I was 19 and wanted a new hobby. Since most of the extra-curricular activities in university were free, I joined the aerobics class. Big mistake; I was useless. Try as I might my arms refused to coordinate with my legs, nor was I ever at the same place as the rest of the class. To add insult to injury there was a group of lanky black men who exercised like they were sitting on the beach eating ice-cream… they just made it look so damned easy. I soon quit aerobics, and moved on to badminton – but throughout the 8 lesson course I failed to hit the shuttle even once. Thus the end of my university sports career.
I am reminded of this as I observe with fascination how Daniel lives his life; he just makes it look so damned easy. Nothing in his life looks stressful, yet running your own business in a backward country where you don't speak the language; being married to someone whose middle name is anxiety; and cocooning both in stability, is probably far harder than hitting the shuttle.
I've realized now – 4 months into our blissful marriage – that this is just not Daniel's tikkun (task in life he has to repair/perfect). That being calm and logical comes as easy to him as writing nonsense using the word "black jack" six times is to me (new job, long story). That running around a wedding for 7 hours in the heat of summer just isn't particularly challenging to him. A bit perhaps, but not like it would be for others. Simply put, he does it like those lanky black men did aerobics – as if he's sitting on a beach eating ice-cream.
I remember when we were dating the phrase that I kept repeating was "he just has such a nice nature, almost like a little child." I see it even more now; he's unaffected. It's his nature to go with the flow, let things go and live life to the fullest – exactly like children do. Hence few children have anxieties and most feel they can conquer the world. In fact, most kids get into such crazy scrapes that it's quite a wonder any of them reach adulthood.
But they do. And Daniel did. And for that alone I am grateful. A couple of years before we met I saw some people bungee jumping and declared, "anyone who does that needs their head examined." Of course Daniel showed me the video of him doing it. And I wondered how he had. And realized that since it is available, anything he can get access to – in his attempt to live life to the full – he'll take, because that's what kids who haven't been affected do. There is no concept of risks, fears or worries. There's perhaps an abundant trust in life, or Hashem, that things will work out okay. And for Daniel they have. So no, it's not his challenge to remain calm; it's innate in him.
He has other challenges of course; no-one's perfect. But he's not hard on himself like me. He doesn't blame himself – or me – when things go wrong. He can accept situations as they are and move on. But with this nature of everything being great comes a slight sense of denial that nothing can ever be wrong. Like when I had to go to the doctor and Daniel accompanied me. In the middle of a neurological exam, Daniel's cell-phone rings and he yells out to the doctor, "hey, can I use your pen and pad?"
So I wonder if perhaps that is his tikkun; perhaps he has to recognize that there will be little bumps in life that will require his attention and that no matter how many fun things there are to do in the world, he might have to make time for non-happy events too. But hey, explaining that to a child would probably be like me trying to hit the shuttle!
Seeing G-d in the Small Print
Life is good…life is very good. There is so much I have to be grateful for and sometimes it scares me...Why did G-d handpick me for such glorious blessings? I am thinking that perhaps it's because I have been thanking Him on a daily basis, by recognizing Him in every aspect of my life, large and small alike.
I'll explain what I mean: I have been blissfully married for six months and I could not be happier. Perhaps somewhat surprisingly though, it is not the big things that do it for me – like talk of buying a house, or having children – but rather, the little things. It's the sharing on an everyday basis that I think I'm most in awe of and grateful for...being married to Daniel really gives me a glimpse of G-d many times each day.
There is not much one does completely independently once one is married. I thought that would bother me (having lived alone for 34 years) but instead, it stuns and excites me. We go to shul together; to the market together; we're usually in the car together and none of it ever gets boring or mundane. I never wish I was doing something else, or that he wasn't around. Every time I see him I love him anew. I guess there is just always something else to see. I feel a bit like a small child who's not been tainted by life yet…just notices everything around him that others take for granted...Simply put, that child gets to see G-d in the small print every day…and so do I.
Interestingly, the little things excite me even more today than they did when we were first married. I like hearing Daniel answer the phone; I enjoy watching him get out of bed in the morning; I get pleasure when he laughs at a TV show. None of these things are earth shattering, but somehow they are to me. Because each moment of each day I am given a new experience to enjoy, and I am so glad I am able to recognize that.
I love stretching over to Daniel's side of the bed to see if he's finally made it to sleep; I love watching Gal snuggle him. I like talking to him about who's going to get the milk; I enjoy surprising him with little treats from the market; I like letting him take care of things in the house and build the succah; I like how I go and get a photo printed from the shop and he finds a spot for it in the house…we're doing everything together and that was how G-d intended man to live.
But why do I enjoy those things so much? Because I am able to see life in small doses and not get caught up in the big picture and the big "things" all the time. It doesn't sound much writing about it here, but having enjoyed G-d in the small print for the last six months, I can safely say it really is the best way of relating to our Creator.
Of course, the big things are still great too – I never get tired of hearing "I love you," which thankfully I do hear a lot. But still, most of all, it's the little things that do it for me. Life is primarily about sharing; it's about doing things together; it's about having your best friend around the whole time.
It probably doesn't sound like this is such a revolutionary report at our six month milestone. But if you think about it, it really is. If I've learnt anything in life it's this: being grateful for what seems like the "little things" is a true recognition, appreciation and gratitude of G-d.
We all too often forget to be stunned by the miracle of waking up; seeing the sun rise and set; putting one foot in front of the other and successfully walking, etc., etc. But to those who do understand the everyday miracles and blessings G-d bestows upon us continuously, life is so much richer. Life is so much more fulfilling when we manage to see G-d in the small print.
Life is good…life is very good. There is so much I have to be grateful for and sometimes it scares me...Why did G-d handpick me for such glorious blessings? I am thinking that perhaps it's because I have been thanking Him on a daily basis, by recognizing Him in every aspect of my life, large and small alike.
I'll explain what I mean: I have been blissfully married for six months and I could not be happier. Perhaps somewhat surprisingly though, it is not the big things that do it for me – like talk of buying a house, or having children – but rather, the little things. It's the sharing on an everyday basis that I think I'm most in awe of and grateful for...being married to Daniel really gives me a glimpse of G-d many times each day.
There is not much one does completely independently once one is married. I thought that would bother me (having lived alone for 34 years) but instead, it stuns and excites me. We go to shul together; to the market together; we're usually in the car together and none of it ever gets boring or mundane. I never wish I was doing something else, or that he wasn't around. Every time I see him I love him anew. I guess there is just always something else to see. I feel a bit like a small child who's not been tainted by life yet…just notices everything around him that others take for granted...Simply put, that child gets to see G-d in the small print every day…and so do I.
Interestingly, the little things excite me even more today than they did when we were first married. I like hearing Daniel answer the phone; I enjoy watching him get out of bed in the morning; I get pleasure when he laughs at a TV show. None of these things are earth shattering, but somehow they are to me. Because each moment of each day I am given a new experience to enjoy, and I am so glad I am able to recognize that.
I love stretching over to Daniel's side of the bed to see if he's finally made it to sleep; I love watching Gal snuggle him. I like talking to him about who's going to get the milk; I enjoy surprising him with little treats from the market; I like letting him take care of things in the house and build the succah; I like how I go and get a photo printed from the shop and he finds a spot for it in the house…we're doing everything together and that was how G-d intended man to live.
But why do I enjoy those things so much? Because I am able to see life in small doses and not get caught up in the big picture and the big "things" all the time. It doesn't sound much writing about it here, but having enjoyed G-d in the small print for the last six months, I can safely say it really is the best way of relating to our Creator.
Of course, the big things are still great too – I never get tired of hearing "I love you," which thankfully I do hear a lot. But still, most of all, it's the little things that do it for me. Life is primarily about sharing; it's about doing things together; it's about having your best friend around the whole time.
It probably doesn't sound like this is such a revolutionary report at our six month milestone. But if you think about it, it really is. If I've learnt anything in life it's this: being grateful for what seems like the "little things" is a true recognition, appreciation and gratitude of G-d.
We all too often forget to be stunned by the miracle of waking up; seeing the sun rise and set; putting one foot in front of the other and successfully walking, etc., etc. But to those who do understand the everyday miracles and blessings G-d bestows upon us continuously, life is so much richer. Life is so much more fulfilling when we manage to see G-d in the small print.
Efrat
A year has passed. It’s been an entire year since we moved into our beautiful home amidst the scenery of the Judean hills, in Efrat’s newest neighborhood, Zayit. On the 10th Tevet, the temple was still burning all those years ago. This year on the 10th Tevet, our brothers and sisters in Gush Katif are still homeless, as they mark the 2nd “anniversary” of their displacement. And this year on the 10th Tevet, our brothers and sisters in Sderot are still dodging one bullet after another as they attempt in some small way to retain a semblance of their once “normal” lives.
For us personally, thank G-d, we’ve only experienced the good. True, we don’t know what will be tomorrow, so we try to take each day as it comes and enjoy all that our Creator has bestowed upon us. We arrived in this neighbourhood not knowing a soul, and within a year have established ourselves. We joined the local synagogue as well as the pool (tradeoffs!); buy flowers we don’t want every week from young entrepreneurs to “support the local economy;” and have most recently acquired a whole slew of new “friends” (whose average age is 9) because of Gal – the most loved and spoiled dog on the block.
It’s for sure a different way of life in Efrat. None of the non-stop transience of our city life is at all apparent here. You don’t just suddenly find a whole load of people have left without word, but rather might find a regular influx of new people, either from abroad or other parts of the city. It’s a neighbourhood in which people want to come and raise their families, and since consistency is good for children, people make their homes here and they stay. There is definitely a sense of permanence; continuity; commitment, no matter what our government and other left wing activists might say or do.
It’s a quieter way of life too. Not that I ever had such a raging hi-flying life in my old neighbourhood, but somehow I don’t even miss going out for coffee in an evening with my old friends. The ones who are committed to the friendship I’m still very much in touch with and the others – the stragglers – would have faded with time no matter where we were.
Because at the end of the day, what can make one more content than sitting in a stunning home, enjoying their cute dog, knowing that their husband is just downstairs in his super cool studio (he doesn’t have to commute to work either), giving us that amazing amount of time together? And if we need anything at all, we have a whole street full of families willing and eager to help out at any time of day or night, because they care, because that is how real communities are built and sustained. Isn’t that the true meaning of a great life? And that’s why despite the incredible dangers, the people of Gush Katif were so reluctant to leave, and why 2 years down the line, without the sustainable support of a community, many have suffered terribly, even fatalistic, from a broken heart of such a loss. One who has never lived in one of these settlements can’t possibly imagine what it’s like to exist without it…for better and for worse.
Because when I take our much-loved dog for walks, practically every car slows down to wave at us, and we are followed by a miniature army of little children – who themselves will no doubt be serving our country as real soldiers in about 10 years’ time – just to give him a kiss good morning. The children here are being raised with a sense of what it means to be living, active Zionists, but at the same time, have such a strong sense of a good, solid, and happy childhood, being part of this community. The combination of the two is what makes this neighbourhood so popular and that’s why we settled here…
25 July, 2007
A year has passed. It’s been an entire year since we moved into our beautiful home amidst the scenery of the Judean hills, in Efrat’s newest neighborhood, Zayit. On the 10th Tevet, the temple was still burning all those years ago. This year on the 10th Tevet, our brothers and sisters in Gush Katif are still homeless, as they mark the 2nd “anniversary” of their displacement. And this year on the 10th Tevet, our brothers and sisters in Sderot are still dodging one bullet after another as they attempt in some small way to retain a semblance of their once “normal” lives.
For us personally, thank G-d, we’ve only experienced the good. True, we don’t know what will be tomorrow, so we try to take each day as it comes and enjoy all that our Creator has bestowed upon us. We arrived in this neighbourhood not knowing a soul, and within a year have established ourselves. We joined the local synagogue as well as the pool (tradeoffs!); buy flowers we don’t want every week from young entrepreneurs to “support the local economy;” and have most recently acquired a whole slew of new “friends” (whose average age is 9) because of Gal – the most loved and spoiled dog on the block.
It’s for sure a different way of life in Efrat. None of the non-stop transience of our city life is at all apparent here. You don’t just suddenly find a whole load of people have left without word, but rather might find a regular influx of new people, either from abroad or other parts of the city. It’s a neighbourhood in which people want to come and raise their families, and since consistency is good for children, people make their homes here and they stay. There is definitely a sense of permanence; continuity; commitment, no matter what our government and other left wing activists might say or do.
It’s a quieter way of life too. Not that I ever had such a raging hi-flying life in my old neighbourhood, but somehow I don’t even miss going out for coffee in an evening with my old friends. The ones who are committed to the friendship I’m still very much in touch with and the others – the stragglers – would have faded with time no matter where we were.
Because at the end of the day, what can make one more content than sitting in a stunning home, enjoying their cute dog, knowing that their husband is just downstairs in his super cool studio (he doesn’t have to commute to work either), giving us that amazing amount of time together? And if we need anything at all, we have a whole street full of families willing and eager to help out at any time of day or night, because they care, because that is how real communities are built and sustained. Isn’t that the true meaning of a great life? And that’s why despite the incredible dangers, the people of Gush Katif were so reluctant to leave, and why 2 years down the line, without the sustainable support of a community, many have suffered terribly, even fatalistic, from a broken heart of such a loss. One who has never lived in one of these settlements can’t possibly imagine what it’s like to exist without it…for better and for worse.
Because when I take our much-loved dog for walks, practically every car slows down to wave at us, and we are followed by a miniature army of little children – who themselves will no doubt be serving our country as real soldiers in about 10 years’ time – just to give him a kiss good morning. The children here are being raised with a sense of what it means to be living, active Zionists, but at the same time, have such a strong sense of a good, solid, and happy childhood, being part of this community. The combination of the two is what makes this neighbourhood so popular and that’s why we settled here…
25 July, 2007
Much has happened this month for Daniel and I, now celebrating 8 months of married bliss. Between us, we have managed to break two bones and buy two houses (well, one large house and one apartment underneath it). Two is not the interesting number here though; 8 is. After 8 months of marriage, I was hoping that I would be able to “kick Daniel’s ass” (or at least vaguely compete) at his favorite pool game (8-ball). Since our place is not large enough to play pool comfortably, I will have to wait another 8 months until we move into our house to start shooting competitively.
Being full on 8
On a more serious note, the Hebrew word for 8 is shmoneh which has the root shin, mem, nun. One word that comes from this is shamen, meaning fat. In Judaism, we refer to shamen when we think of abundance, health, full. Marriage has thus far filled us with abundant good.
Gaining oil from 8
There is another – in my mind, even more significant – way of looking at the Hebrew number 8 root. The shin, mem, nun can be read as shemen, meaning oil. During this month, Chanukah begins – a festival in which shemen is the key player, miraculously lighting up the Temple for 8 days. Daniel and I have enlightened each other (in a variety of interesting ways) and since my Hebrew name Meira has at its root, or meaning light, the significance continues.
The miracle of us – through 8
We knew each other for 8 months before getting married (2 ½ months dating, 5 ½ months engaged – 8 months filled with abundance and complete joy). It’s all been a miracle; a miracle at I wonder at; there really is no other word for it. It’s miraculous we met; incredulous our dating was so blissful and quite an act of G-d that we got to the chupah and married in front of our friends and family. That it only got better each day was not a miracle, but a gift. It was a wondrous time and still even more wondrous each day that goes by; how two people – coming from completely different worlds – can join hands and make a life together. I am shocked each day at how different we are, but while struck, I’m intrigued and fascinated. The differences are to be embraced, not feared. Without them, there is no possibility of reaching and achieving the wonderful abundance of 8 – only perhaps nearing something far less abundant. A miracle is, by definition, something one cannot achieve alone – it needs Hashem’s input – and it was indeed only through His will our differences merged and a union formed.
The wholeness of 8 – to complete circles
Ultimately, what do we get from the number 8? Two abundant wholes (shamen) coming together to form a perfect 8 shape; the glue/oil (shemen) sitting in the middle of the two, creating the union. Both are significant, but perhaps the shemen has a greater part for us, since it is no coincidence that it was in the Chanukah oil – 8 months after we pledged our eternal allegiance to each other in front of our Creator – that we sealed our future in the home of our Creator, buying a house in Zayit (olive), Efrat, home of abundance and overflowing (shamen).
Being full on 8
On a more serious note, the Hebrew word for 8 is shmoneh which has the root shin, mem, nun. One word that comes from this is shamen, meaning fat. In Judaism, we refer to shamen when we think of abundance, health, full. Marriage has thus far filled us with abundant good.
Gaining oil from 8
There is another – in my mind, even more significant – way of looking at the Hebrew number 8 root. The shin, mem, nun can be read as shemen, meaning oil. During this month, Chanukah begins – a festival in which shemen is the key player, miraculously lighting up the Temple for 8 days. Daniel and I have enlightened each other (in a variety of interesting ways) and since my Hebrew name Meira has at its root, or meaning light, the significance continues.
The miracle of us – through 8
We knew each other for 8 months before getting married (2 ½ months dating, 5 ½ months engaged – 8 months filled with abundance and complete joy). It’s all been a miracle; a miracle at I wonder at; there really is no other word for it. It’s miraculous we met; incredulous our dating was so blissful and quite an act of G-d that we got to the chupah and married in front of our friends and family. That it only got better each day was not a miracle, but a gift. It was a wondrous time and still even more wondrous each day that goes by; how two people – coming from completely different worlds – can join hands and make a life together. I am shocked each day at how different we are, but while struck, I’m intrigued and fascinated. The differences are to be embraced, not feared. Without them, there is no possibility of reaching and achieving the wonderful abundance of 8 – only perhaps nearing something far less abundant. A miracle is, by definition, something one cannot achieve alone – it needs Hashem’s input – and it was indeed only through His will our differences merged and a union formed.
The wholeness of 8 – to complete circles
Ultimately, what do we get from the number 8? Two abundant wholes (shamen) coming together to form a perfect 8 shape; the glue/oil (shemen) sitting in the middle of the two, creating the union. Both are significant, but perhaps the shemen has a greater part for us, since it is no coincidence that it was in the Chanukah oil – 8 months after we pledged our eternal allegiance to each other in front of our Creator – that we sealed our future in the home of our Creator, buying a house in Zayit (olive), Efrat, home of abundance and overflowing (shamen).
I’ve learnt a lot in the last 9 months, since we got married. I’ve learnt that being married can be stressful when bringing two lives together but that it is the most worthy stress there is. My good friend and mentor recently said to me, “I have no doubt that you and Daniel were drawn from the same cloth, but just very extreme ends of it.” Indeed, we both agreed with that analysis.
We have such different ideas about everything, people wonder how we got together, but I never do. I never really think, ‘goodness we are different; what was it that brought us together?’ I guess I don’t spend time analyzing it because I went through about three and a half million men to get to Daniel. I dated in the Katamon hive for over 10 years and met more guys than most people have had hot dinners, or in Daniel’s case since married frozen microwaveable hamburgers.
Take that for the small scale of our differences. We make ourselves ‘dinner’ in the evening. Typically, his will be the burger from the freezer and mine will cover an array of food types, including some boiled vegetable, dried fruit or cereal, cottage cheese and crackers and then a selection of sugared goods. He eats one hearty thing; I eat a bunch of little non-animal based products.
Then you can move on to the next level of differences. Exercise. I love walking everywhere; I swim as much as I can; I am perhaps the only individual in the world who bought an exercise machine that has never become a towel rack as it is used thrice weekly. Daniel will drive to the makolet.
And then there are our sleep patterns. I will arise early in the morning and go to bed before midnight, whereas Daniel will go to bed in the early hours and get up mid-morning. But that works well in our little family. I get to do the first dog run, walking for half an hour with Gal and Daniel takes him later, to the park to see his friends. This is a time Daniel can just take his first leisurely break of the day of sitting down and watching him.
Then there are the wider-scope matters. I love to learn Torah and psychological stuff; and think about how people behave and what it means. Daniel shows me fast moving, fire-based clips on the computer screen which enter my brain so minimally that within 30 seconds I cannot recall them. We have yet to find a movie we both thoroughly enjoy.
When it comes to money, I save everything and Daniel spends it. We have two accounts for that purpose. And when it comes to life in general, I take no risks and Daniel takes them all.
So perhaps you are asking, ‘then why?’ and while I do not know, I would attempt at a guess: these reasons are precisely why. We are two halves of a whole and we do not try to mold each other to be like the other because if we did that, we would no longer fit the way we so smugly do today.
Here’s to the next great educational 9 months.
We have such different ideas about everything, people wonder how we got together, but I never do. I never really think, ‘goodness we are different; what was it that brought us together?’ I guess I don’t spend time analyzing it because I went through about three and a half million men to get to Daniel. I dated in the Katamon hive for over 10 years and met more guys than most people have had hot dinners, or in Daniel’s case since married frozen microwaveable hamburgers.
Take that for the small scale of our differences. We make ourselves ‘dinner’ in the evening. Typically, his will be the burger from the freezer and mine will cover an array of food types, including some boiled vegetable, dried fruit or cereal, cottage cheese and crackers and then a selection of sugared goods. He eats one hearty thing; I eat a bunch of little non-animal based products.
Then you can move on to the next level of differences. Exercise. I love walking everywhere; I swim as much as I can; I am perhaps the only individual in the world who bought an exercise machine that has never become a towel rack as it is used thrice weekly. Daniel will drive to the makolet.
And then there are our sleep patterns. I will arise early in the morning and go to bed before midnight, whereas Daniel will go to bed in the early hours and get up mid-morning. But that works well in our little family. I get to do the first dog run, walking for half an hour with Gal and Daniel takes him later, to the park to see his friends. This is a time Daniel can just take his first leisurely break of the day of sitting down and watching him.
Then there are the wider-scope matters. I love to learn Torah and psychological stuff; and think about how people behave and what it means. Daniel shows me fast moving, fire-based clips on the computer screen which enter my brain so minimally that within 30 seconds I cannot recall them. We have yet to find a movie we both thoroughly enjoy.
When it comes to money, I save everything and Daniel spends it. We have two accounts for that purpose. And when it comes to life in general, I take no risks and Daniel takes them all.
So perhaps you are asking, ‘then why?’ and while I do not know, I would attempt at a guess: these reasons are precisely why. We are two halves of a whole and we do not try to mold each other to be like the other because if we did that, we would no longer fit the way we so smugly do today.
Here’s to the next great educational 9 months.
So there we were, 9 months to the day after our wedding, heading up north for our honeymoon. For me this was going to be a time to replenish and reconnect; revive and return ourselves to one another. For husband (packing the DVD player), it was a time to catch up on movies. “Not that,” I said in horror, but not disbelief. “But you loved watching movies on it last time we went away,” he protested, wearing his legal eagle hat. We were running late as it was; I wanted to get going already. “Fine, fine, just bring it then,” I replied reluctantly. And so it was packed.
We arrived at Israel’s most stunning leisurely resort (Carmel Forest Spa) a few hours later, DVD player in hand. I had bought my usual one backpack (for a day, weekend, or week away; whatever does not fit in, stays behind) and Daniel had brought the kitchen sink, but there is no need to repetitively indulge once more our major differences.
As we entered our rooms, a New Age CD was playing on the stereo. We then proceeded to check out the coffee maker and outlets (such spa type people, not!) We were both a little tired so after a swim, relaxed to a movie we actually managed to agree on. Half an hour later we switched off to go down for an exquisite cuisine. The holiday was just beginning. Too stuffed to move after a full bottle of wine and enough food to feed a family of six for a week, I suggested husband unbutton his jeans, but was met with rejection of that being indicative of old age. Within half an hour I was sound asleep; husband next to me watching a movie.
The next morning, bright and early, I had a fantastic swim, returned to the room to daven and collect husband for breakfast. Mid-morning we came back to the room and Daniel asked obscurely, “if there was one movie in the whole wide world that you could see right now, what would it be?” Knowing full well I was banned from even mentioning the ‘W’ word in relation to movies (Our Wedding Movie), I did not even consider that and muttered, “Bend It Like Beckham?” knowing he would not have it with him anyway. “Well,” he responded, “why don’t you put this one on?” When he handed me a DVD with no label on it (something husband does not even possess really), my suspicions stirred, but in order to avoid an argument, I did not dare bring up the ‘W’ word.
But there it was. As I put it in, I saw myself with my dear friend Jeanne and her family, in a sea of white, with the words “Emma and Daniel’s Wedding Video” on the bottom of the screen. It was indeed the unmentionable (but clearly now discussable) ‘W’ movie; it was husband’s honeymoon gift to me of his late night workings on our simcha. He had finished editing our movie!
Our wedding video (DVD, please!) is of course stunningly beautiful. But looking at it with my very critical eyes, of course the first thing I noticed (and continue to observe) is how totally terrified and out of it I looked. The thing is, I WAS nervous; I look back on that day and even though we had known each other for 8 months, given that our dating was so chivalrous and innocent, in so many ways we were beautifully innocent strangers to each other.
These days, when I see so many couples on their wedding days just having a great, fun, party, I am GLAD I was so nervous; delighted that my joy was somber and restrained and happy that my real “sasson v’simcha” (happiness and joy) came only after, bit by bit and continues to come a little bit more each day. Because it is solid; because it is not just a flash in the pan crush; it is a healthy, ever-developing and evolving falling in love more day by day kind of love.
Nonetheless, still embarrassed that I was so nervous on the day, I asked Daniel when he was putting the movie together, “didn’t it bother you that I clearly looked so nervous?” to which he spot on replied, “no, why should it? That was then and this is now and thank G-d we’ve had 9 great, happy months together. Who cares how you felt then, when anyway we all know your personality.” He can say that because he lives in the present and living in the present is a gift I have appreciated from him constantly.
So even though when I go to weddings now I am curious as to how the bride is feeling moments before the guy whom she hopes to spend the rest of her days with come and “checks her out” in front of not only 400+ guests, but, far more importantly, Hashem, and all the family who is no longer with her, even if they are not like I was and look totally calm and collected, I am glad that I felt the awesomeness of the Shechina that day. Indeed, because I felt so auspicious at that holy of holy moments, I can really feel the joy and happiness each day hence as it continues to develop piece by piece in a holy, serene and G-dly way.
Thank you Hashem, for 10 months that keep getting better.
We arrived at Israel’s most stunning leisurely resort (Carmel Forest Spa) a few hours later, DVD player in hand. I had bought my usual one backpack (for a day, weekend, or week away; whatever does not fit in, stays behind) and Daniel had brought the kitchen sink, but there is no need to repetitively indulge once more our major differences.
As we entered our rooms, a New Age CD was playing on the stereo. We then proceeded to check out the coffee maker and outlets (such spa type people, not!) We were both a little tired so after a swim, relaxed to a movie we actually managed to agree on. Half an hour later we switched off to go down for an exquisite cuisine. The holiday was just beginning. Too stuffed to move after a full bottle of wine and enough food to feed a family of six for a week, I suggested husband unbutton his jeans, but was met with rejection of that being indicative of old age. Within half an hour I was sound asleep; husband next to me watching a movie.
The next morning, bright and early, I had a fantastic swim, returned to the room to daven and collect husband for breakfast. Mid-morning we came back to the room and Daniel asked obscurely, “if there was one movie in the whole wide world that you could see right now, what would it be?” Knowing full well I was banned from even mentioning the ‘W’ word in relation to movies (Our Wedding Movie), I did not even consider that and muttered, “Bend It Like Beckham?” knowing he would not have it with him anyway. “Well,” he responded, “why don’t you put this one on?” When he handed me a DVD with no label on it (something husband does not even possess really), my suspicions stirred, but in order to avoid an argument, I did not dare bring up the ‘W’ word.
But there it was. As I put it in, I saw myself with my dear friend Jeanne and her family, in a sea of white, with the words “Emma and Daniel’s Wedding Video” on the bottom of the screen. It was indeed the unmentionable (but clearly now discussable) ‘W’ movie; it was husband’s honeymoon gift to me of his late night workings on our simcha. He had finished editing our movie!
Our wedding video (DVD, please!) is of course stunningly beautiful. But looking at it with my very critical eyes, of course the first thing I noticed (and continue to observe) is how totally terrified and out of it I looked. The thing is, I WAS nervous; I look back on that day and even though we had known each other for 8 months, given that our dating was so chivalrous and innocent, in so many ways we were beautifully innocent strangers to each other.
These days, when I see so many couples on their wedding days just having a great, fun, party, I am GLAD I was so nervous; delighted that my joy was somber and restrained and happy that my real “sasson v’simcha” (happiness and joy) came only after, bit by bit and continues to come a little bit more each day. Because it is solid; because it is not just a flash in the pan crush; it is a healthy, ever-developing and evolving falling in love more day by day kind of love.
Nonetheless, still embarrassed that I was so nervous on the day, I asked Daniel when he was putting the movie together, “didn’t it bother you that I clearly looked so nervous?” to which he spot on replied, “no, why should it? That was then and this is now and thank G-d we’ve had 9 great, happy months together. Who cares how you felt then, when anyway we all know your personality.” He can say that because he lives in the present and living in the present is a gift I have appreciated from him constantly.
So even though when I go to weddings now I am curious as to how the bride is feeling moments before the guy whom she hopes to spend the rest of her days with come and “checks her out” in front of not only 400+ guests, but, far more importantly, Hashem, and all the family who is no longer with her, even if they are not like I was and look totally calm and collected, I am glad that I felt the awesomeness of the Shechina that day. Indeed, because I felt so auspicious at that holy of holy moments, I can really feel the joy and happiness each day hence as it continues to develop piece by piece in a holy, serene and G-dly way.
Thank you Hashem, for 10 months that keep getting better.
The best things in life come to those who wait…
Something happened to me last week. I sort of experienced a loss. I say ‘sort of’ as I never had it to start with, so by definition did not experience a loss. I just had it in the deep recesses of my imagination; that wonderful vivid part of me many of my friends catch a glimpse of now and again but that thankfully Daniel has no clue even exists. Painful as this pseudo loss was, it taught me a very important lesson; I have lost nothing. G-d gives us everything because He wants to and if there is something we do not have, well, quite simply, we are not meant to have it.
Daniel of course, had this lesson ingrained in him long before this event occurred. But I need little reminders of it time and again. How fascinating it is that we ask for things over and again and then still come back for more. How amazing it is that our minds work in such a twisted way, forgetting all the fine gifts we have and complaining that we do not have even more exactly when we want.
I am glad however, that the lesson sunk in pretty quickly after the non-existent loss. And I think I know why. Without a doubt, the darkest moments of my life were encountered before I met Daniel. It fascinates and I guess concerns me a little, that he did not know me in my pre-Daniel days; would he still have wanted me with that sadness hanging over me? But it is a Catch-22 as I never had that sadness once he came in to my life. He was (and is) pure and simply, the antidote to that sadness.
People who get married before the age of 30 will never understand this and I do not blame or resent them for that. But what they should try to appreciate is that whatever we now go through – after waiting so long to get married – is nothing. Pure and simple; there is nothing worse than being alone when you are 30+; there is nothing more painful than not having found the love and stability a good marriage offers, and this is emphasized even more in the confines of Israeli modern orthodox communities. So once you have overcome that obstacle, well quite frankly, everything is easy.
So why did I feel so down when I experienced this so-called loss? Temporary amnesia. I literally forgot how blessed I was to have found the love of my life (late as I did) and to have married him. To be with someone who is ALWAYS full of the joys of life; always grateful for all his blessings and always happy just with what he has. He is never miserable; never complains and always turns his lot around so that it is good. He literally lives out the will of G-d by doing this. As his partner, I have been privileged to have been living my life through his eyes for the last 11 months of our marriage; this quite frankly is one of G-d’s most bountiful blessings ever. And the reminder of that reality was what shook me back to the present; yes, the present is a gift and the present I currently am privileged to exist in is the best, most beautiful, most delicious one I have ever been given. Let’s just hope that the amnesia was a one-off.
Oh, and Daniel cleaned the floors today! For the first time in our marriage, he cleaned and waxed the floor so that we can all glide dangerously around on them. And rather than me get upset for it being the first time, I have learnt from Daniel how to take something potentially negative, turn it in to G-d’s will and see it for the positive that it is.
Something happened to me last week. I sort of experienced a loss. I say ‘sort of’ as I never had it to start with, so by definition did not experience a loss. I just had it in the deep recesses of my imagination; that wonderful vivid part of me many of my friends catch a glimpse of now and again but that thankfully Daniel has no clue even exists. Painful as this pseudo loss was, it taught me a very important lesson; I have lost nothing. G-d gives us everything because He wants to and if there is something we do not have, well, quite simply, we are not meant to have it.
Daniel of course, had this lesson ingrained in him long before this event occurred. But I need little reminders of it time and again. How fascinating it is that we ask for things over and again and then still come back for more. How amazing it is that our minds work in such a twisted way, forgetting all the fine gifts we have and complaining that we do not have even more exactly when we want.
I am glad however, that the lesson sunk in pretty quickly after the non-existent loss. And I think I know why. Without a doubt, the darkest moments of my life were encountered before I met Daniel. It fascinates and I guess concerns me a little, that he did not know me in my pre-Daniel days; would he still have wanted me with that sadness hanging over me? But it is a Catch-22 as I never had that sadness once he came in to my life. He was (and is) pure and simply, the antidote to that sadness.
People who get married before the age of 30 will never understand this and I do not blame or resent them for that. But what they should try to appreciate is that whatever we now go through – after waiting so long to get married – is nothing. Pure and simple; there is nothing worse than being alone when you are 30+; there is nothing more painful than not having found the love and stability a good marriage offers, and this is emphasized even more in the confines of Israeli modern orthodox communities. So once you have overcome that obstacle, well quite frankly, everything is easy.
So why did I feel so down when I experienced this so-called loss? Temporary amnesia. I literally forgot how blessed I was to have found the love of my life (late as I did) and to have married him. To be with someone who is ALWAYS full of the joys of life; always grateful for all his blessings and always happy just with what he has. He is never miserable; never complains and always turns his lot around so that it is good. He literally lives out the will of G-d by doing this. As his partner, I have been privileged to have been living my life through his eyes for the last 11 months of our marriage; this quite frankly is one of G-d’s most bountiful blessings ever. And the reminder of that reality was what shook me back to the present; yes, the present is a gift and the present I currently am privileged to exist in is the best, most beautiful, most delicious one I have ever been given. Let’s just hope that the amnesia was a one-off.
Oh, and Daniel cleaned the floors today! For the first time in our marriage, he cleaned and waxed the floor so that we can all glide dangerously around on them. And rather than me get upset for it being the first time, I have learnt from Daniel how to take something potentially negative, turn it in to G-d’s will and see it for the positive that it is.
To my sweetness
It’s a little over 3 hours until we celebrate our one year anniversary. I am sitting here wondering what profound words I can drum up for this momentous occasion. It has been a super year, filled with happy times. I can quite easily say that it’s also been the best year of my life. I say this casually, but I see that given how many couples don’t feel this a year down the line, I realize I have just achieved my aim of writing something rather profound. I suppose that’s it really: in it’s sameness, it’s been quite deliciously delectable.
For many years now, I have been asking myself why so many couples divorce. And then I ask why so many other couples stick together. And then I try and find the distinction between the two groups. I think what I have realized having lived with Daniel for a year (and we all have our annoying little habits), is that it has to do with one thing and one thing only: perspective. Not reality, but perspective, and how one chooses to see the situation in which he finds himself.
I am reminded of the first piece I ever wrote about Daniel for our engagement. Daniel, ish chamudot: Daniel, man of sweetness. In that piece I asked why the phrase was not Daniel, ish chamud (in the singular). I answered that because even though it is one person, with Daniel there is just so much sweetness, that it simply has to be written in the plural, to emphasize the abundance of sweetness in this one individual; in other words, this piece was written for Daniel Sass. A year later, I still believe that. However, on writing that piece, I thought it meant something different to what I think now. I thought it meant that Daniel was just all sweetness, light, sensitive and cute because that was the side he showed me while wooing me.
Since then, I have found that he can actually be quite INsensitive at times, but I still come back to the same description of him: Daniel, ish chamudot: Daniel, man of abundant sweetness. Why? Daniel is sweet in the sweetness he creates in his environment. No matter what is going on in his life, no matter how bad it is, Daniel will MAKE it good. If it is raining outside, Daniel doesn’t get wet; he smiles up at the most beautiful rainbow he has ever seen. No matter what is happening, Daniel – my ish chamudot – has to find the positive. Whether it is because he is always in denial, or just because of his nature, it is almost as if the world HAS to be sweet to Daniel and thus where there is bitterness, he brings honey. Just like the clever bear who appeared to all others to have a little brain, Daniel’s simple nature cleverly transforms an oft-harsh world into a better place.
I cannot say we’ve never argued; nor can I say I’ve not been very upset when we have. It has also crossed my mind on more than one occasion how on earth we are ever going to learn to communicate like two homo sapiens. It hurts and it’s hard. But I guess enjoying the rainbow rather than being angered by the rain is ultimately what separates the men from the boys and what makes some couples stick together and others divorce. It doesn’t matter if you can’t communicate (yes it would help if you can but men are from Mars and women are from Venus). It also doesn’t matter if you do not share the same interests (and we all know where Daniel and I stand on that). Ultimately, what really differentiates the couples that stick together from those who don’t is having at least one part of the couple being full of chamudot; so that no matter how tough it gets (and I’m sure we’ll have tougher times), once you make that decision in front of G-d and all of Am Yisrael, you enjoy the rainbow and don’t even notice the rain.
It’s a little over 3 hours until we celebrate our one year anniversary. I am sitting here wondering what profound words I can drum up for this momentous occasion. It has been a super year, filled with happy times. I can quite easily say that it’s also been the best year of my life. I say this casually, but I see that given how many couples don’t feel this a year down the line, I realize I have just achieved my aim of writing something rather profound. I suppose that’s it really: in it’s sameness, it’s been quite deliciously delectable.
For many years now, I have been asking myself why so many couples divorce. And then I ask why so many other couples stick together. And then I try and find the distinction between the two groups. I think what I have realized having lived with Daniel for a year (and we all have our annoying little habits), is that it has to do with one thing and one thing only: perspective. Not reality, but perspective, and how one chooses to see the situation in which he finds himself.
I am reminded of the first piece I ever wrote about Daniel for our engagement. Daniel, ish chamudot: Daniel, man of sweetness. In that piece I asked why the phrase was not Daniel, ish chamud (in the singular). I answered that because even though it is one person, with Daniel there is just so much sweetness, that it simply has to be written in the plural, to emphasize the abundance of sweetness in this one individual; in other words, this piece was written for Daniel Sass. A year later, I still believe that. However, on writing that piece, I thought it meant something different to what I think now. I thought it meant that Daniel was just all sweetness, light, sensitive and cute because that was the side he showed me while wooing me.
Since then, I have found that he can actually be quite INsensitive at times, but I still come back to the same description of him: Daniel, ish chamudot: Daniel, man of abundant sweetness. Why? Daniel is sweet in the sweetness he creates in his environment. No matter what is going on in his life, no matter how bad it is, Daniel will MAKE it good. If it is raining outside, Daniel doesn’t get wet; he smiles up at the most beautiful rainbow he has ever seen. No matter what is happening, Daniel – my ish chamudot – has to find the positive. Whether it is because he is always in denial, or just because of his nature, it is almost as if the world HAS to be sweet to Daniel and thus where there is bitterness, he brings honey. Just like the clever bear who appeared to all others to have a little brain, Daniel’s simple nature cleverly transforms an oft-harsh world into a better place.
I cannot say we’ve never argued; nor can I say I’ve not been very upset when we have. It has also crossed my mind on more than one occasion how on earth we are ever going to learn to communicate like two homo sapiens. It hurts and it’s hard. But I guess enjoying the rainbow rather than being angered by the rain is ultimately what separates the men from the boys and what makes some couples stick together and others divorce. It doesn’t matter if you can’t communicate (yes it would help if you can but men are from Mars and women are from Venus). It also doesn’t matter if you do not share the same interests (and we all know where Daniel and I stand on that). Ultimately, what really differentiates the couples that stick together from those who don’t is having at least one part of the couple being full of chamudot; so that no matter how tough it gets (and I’m sure we’ll have tougher times), once you make that decision in front of G-d and all of Am Yisrael, you enjoy the rainbow and don’t even notice the rain.
Daniel and I were apart for our first Shabbat since we’ve been married. I hope and pray it’s the last. I had no idea just how difficult it would be and just how sad it would make me feel.
He had to go and film a barmitzvah – before and after Shabbat – at Kibbutz Lavi. Ordinarily I would have gone with him. But given it’s the heat of the summer, I’m now in my 9th month of pregnancy and it sounds to me that those pregnant women who say they visit the bathroom 20 times a day have it easy, we decided it would be best if I stayed home. My parents were kind enough to agree to come and stay.
We’d planned this for some time so you think I’d have been able to get used to it. In addition, we have had the odd night or two apart here and there since we’ve been married. But as the days approached for “doomsday” as it started becoming for me, I began to feel increasingly low. I really didn’t want him to go.
On the morning of the day he left, I went to the makolet and baked chocolate chip cookies. I prepared a whole care package for him, with a love note inside. It was enough snacks for a week; I guess to me it felt like he was going for a week. As I gave it to him, for the first time in a year, I cried. I cried and I clung on to him. I didn’t say anything; I didn’t want him to feel bad about going. He was, after all, going for work so I tried my best to hide my tears too.
Five minutes after he left the floodgates opened. I couldn’t stop bawling. I called him immediately but without the tears although he knew my eyes were lubricated. “Is it hormones or are you just sad or a combination of the two?” he asked, wearing his problem-solving hat. “Oh, I dunno,” I mumbled.
For the next few hours I was completely and utterly emotionally paralyzed. I had the whole day ahead of me – time I had set aside to work or rest – and I could do neither. I lay in the bed, vaguely watching re-runs of Friends and Seinfeld willing the hours to go by quicker. But they just dragged.
When my parents arrived it did help take my mind off things a bit. Everything still felt so weird. The house felt quiet without him. I wanted to retell every comment he had ever made from discussions of our fatalistic looking raspberry bushes to the time he and Gal shared bubblegum. Of course these points of discussion were of the HTBTTAI (had-to-be-there-to-appreciate-it) variety and I don’t think anyone was listening, much less interested. But that didn’t deter me.
On one of my many thousand of bathroom visits, I glanced over to the sink. There, I saw that the toothbrush holder had become home to one less toothbrush. For some reason, this was just too much to bear. It felt horrible. What else had he dared to take?
I hardly slept that night. True, apart from on Shabbat he doesn’t join me til 6 hours after I’ve gone to bed. But Friday night he always does. And even if I bitch and moan that he has the Shabbat lamp on while he reads and I try to sleep; or he bangs his legs on the bed as he’s bored, or he makes out with Gal rather than me, all of a sudden I felt desperate for him to be keeping me awake.
Whether it was hormones, general sadness, the neshama yetaira of Shabbat not having its Daniel input, or a combination of all 3, I’m not sure. But I am sure of this – I don’t want it to ever happen again.
And then I realized something else. What a complete bracha it is to have a marriage like ours, 2 ½ years down the line where my love grows stronger every day, even if it does result in such a depressing 25 hours.
July 2007
He had to go and film a barmitzvah – before and after Shabbat – at Kibbutz Lavi. Ordinarily I would have gone with him. But given it’s the heat of the summer, I’m now in my 9th month of pregnancy and it sounds to me that those pregnant women who say they visit the bathroom 20 times a day have it easy, we decided it would be best if I stayed home. My parents were kind enough to agree to come and stay.
We’d planned this for some time so you think I’d have been able to get used to it. In addition, we have had the odd night or two apart here and there since we’ve been married. But as the days approached for “doomsday” as it started becoming for me, I began to feel increasingly low. I really didn’t want him to go.
On the morning of the day he left, I went to the makolet and baked chocolate chip cookies. I prepared a whole care package for him, with a love note inside. It was enough snacks for a week; I guess to me it felt like he was going for a week. As I gave it to him, for the first time in a year, I cried. I cried and I clung on to him. I didn’t say anything; I didn’t want him to feel bad about going. He was, after all, going for work so I tried my best to hide my tears too.
Five minutes after he left the floodgates opened. I couldn’t stop bawling. I called him immediately but without the tears although he knew my eyes were lubricated. “Is it hormones or are you just sad or a combination of the two?” he asked, wearing his problem-solving hat. “Oh, I dunno,” I mumbled.
For the next few hours I was completely and utterly emotionally paralyzed. I had the whole day ahead of me – time I had set aside to work or rest – and I could do neither. I lay in the bed, vaguely watching re-runs of Friends and Seinfeld willing the hours to go by quicker. But they just dragged.
When my parents arrived it did help take my mind off things a bit. Everything still felt so weird. The house felt quiet without him. I wanted to retell every comment he had ever made from discussions of our fatalistic looking raspberry bushes to the time he and Gal shared bubblegum. Of course these points of discussion were of the HTBTTAI (had-to-be-there-to-appreciate-it) variety and I don’t think anyone was listening, much less interested. But that didn’t deter me.
On one of my many thousand of bathroom visits, I glanced over to the sink. There, I saw that the toothbrush holder had become home to one less toothbrush. For some reason, this was just too much to bear. It felt horrible. What else had he dared to take?
I hardly slept that night. True, apart from on Shabbat he doesn’t join me til 6 hours after I’ve gone to bed. But Friday night he always does. And even if I bitch and moan that he has the Shabbat lamp on while he reads and I try to sleep; or he bangs his legs on the bed as he’s bored, or he makes out with Gal rather than me, all of a sudden I felt desperate for him to be keeping me awake.
Whether it was hormones, general sadness, the neshama yetaira of Shabbat not having its Daniel input, or a combination of all 3, I’m not sure. But I am sure of this – I don’t want it to ever happen again.
And then I realized something else. What a complete bracha it is to have a marriage like ours, 2 ½ years down the line where my love grows stronger every day, even if it does result in such a depressing 25 hours.
July 2007
Daniel and I spent 8 days apart. He went on a boys trip to Dallas (to see the Cowboys), New York (for a Broadway show that was canceled due to the strike and a concert) and Pittsburgh (for the Steelers). Daniel is a huge Steelers fan. During these 8 days Golan and I went to Netanya to be with my parents.
It was only 8 days. But during that time, on the last day, Daniel was moments away from being arrested and I ended up at the hospital. On that last night, Golan started screaming hysterically and then just stopped all of a sudden and started staring without any reaction. I panicked and took him to the ER. The doctors and nurses were very nice and told me I wasn't crazy at all, but, in all honesty, had Daniel been around I think his clear head would have rendered the trip unnecessary.
Likewise in Pittsburgh. True, Daniel didn't realize that it's actually a felony to go on to the football field even at the end of a game. He is after all, a videographer and he loves great photos. So he asked his football buddy to take a picture of him with him on the field. Had I have been around (especially with our new baby), the chances are he wouldn't have run on to the field. Within moments, he was escorted off, taken to the police station in the stadium, photographed and was 20 seconds away from being arrested. Fortunately, there was someone more belligerent on the field who required greater police attention. Daniel was thus free to go.
Clearly Daniel and I are total opposites. And clearly when we're apart we have a tendency to get back to the extreme side of ourselves. I'm glad we're both home, and I'm also glad I encouraged him to take the trip. The story of his arrest is, after all, a huge part why I fell in love and married him; that spontaneous, fun, carefree, live life to the full attitude...but at the same time I'm glad it's tamed most of the time he's with me.
November 29, 2007
3 Things I Know For Sure…
They say that there are only 2 things in life one can be sure about: death and taxes. But I beg to differ: in my life there are 3. The third one is that I’m sure – if G-d wills it – that my husband will make the best father in the whole wide world to our child.
We’re pregnant and thrilled about it. Although I’m of course nervous and anxious. Daniel’s clearly very happy, telling everyone he meets, although we’re both trying not to get too excited until the little one iy”H makes his or her entrance.
But this just reminds me of the third time I met him. It was on that date that I knew I wanted to marry Daniel. I knew I liked him before then and I for sure saw the relationship’s potential but up until that point it was based on logic. It was when I saw how he was with children on the third date, that my heart was no longer my own. I totally and utterly fell in love with this kind, patient and most of all fun-loving guy. And that was just the start. The love I feel for him has never stopped growing from that day.
I could tell that day – just as I can see now – that he was the one who would be all I wanted to be when I didn’t feel enough; he was the one who would hold the family together if I was feeling impatient; he was the one who would never tire of doing fun, stupid, childlike things just to see the mouth on a toddler’s face curl up into a smile. In my mind, there simply could not be anything more wonderful or truly pure than that and I knew that I had finally been privileged to meet my soulmate.
Daniel, I and Gal have iy”H had 2 wonderful years of marriage. Despite this year’s miscarriage, it’s all been great. In fact, when I did miscarry at ten and a half weeks I saw it primarily as a bracha; the time wasn’t right and Hashem blessed us by taking away a fetus that wouldn’t have been healthy. But through this miscarriage we were shown that we could get pregnant and if Hashem blessed us like that once, He would surely do it again.
And indeed, He did. Less than 3 months later I was pregnant again. Of course it’s been somewhat traumatic with some scares here and there but throughout it I keep strengthened by seeing how Daniel is with our “first child” (Gal) and indeed all the other children we come across. He never gets bored of how a little person sees the world, nor does he tire of their insight and mischievous behaviour. It’s a wonderful way to live: his capacity to be a responsible adult on the one hand and yet live life to the full just the way a child would on the other. I pray he never changes ad meah ve’esrim.
And it is for all these reasons that there are 3 things in my life of which I can be sure: death, taxes and the world’s best husband turning into the world’s most fantastic, patient and awesome father.
Happy anniversary my snugglebottom…
They say that there are only 2 things in life one can be sure about: death and taxes. But I beg to differ: in my life there are 3. The third one is that I’m sure – if G-d wills it – that my husband will make the best father in the whole wide world to our child.
We’re pregnant and thrilled about it. Although I’m of course nervous and anxious. Daniel’s clearly very happy, telling everyone he meets, although we’re both trying not to get too excited until the little one iy”H makes his or her entrance.
But this just reminds me of the third time I met him. It was on that date that I knew I wanted to marry Daniel. I knew I liked him before then and I for sure saw the relationship’s potential but up until that point it was based on logic. It was when I saw how he was with children on the third date, that my heart was no longer my own. I totally and utterly fell in love with this kind, patient and most of all fun-loving guy. And that was just the start. The love I feel for him has never stopped growing from that day.
I could tell that day – just as I can see now – that he was the one who would be all I wanted to be when I didn’t feel enough; he was the one who would hold the family together if I was feeling impatient; he was the one who would never tire of doing fun, stupid, childlike things just to see the mouth on a toddler’s face curl up into a smile. In my mind, there simply could not be anything more wonderful or truly pure than that and I knew that I had finally been privileged to meet my soulmate.
Daniel, I and Gal have iy”H had 2 wonderful years of marriage. Despite this year’s miscarriage, it’s all been great. In fact, when I did miscarry at ten and a half weeks I saw it primarily as a bracha; the time wasn’t right and Hashem blessed us by taking away a fetus that wouldn’t have been healthy. But through this miscarriage we were shown that we could get pregnant and if Hashem blessed us like that once, He would surely do it again.
And indeed, He did. Less than 3 months later I was pregnant again. Of course it’s been somewhat traumatic with some scares here and there but throughout it I keep strengthened by seeing how Daniel is with our “first child” (Gal) and indeed all the other children we come across. He never gets bored of how a little person sees the world, nor does he tire of their insight and mischievous behaviour. It’s a wonderful way to live: his capacity to be a responsible adult on the one hand and yet live life to the full just the way a child would on the other. I pray he never changes ad meah ve’esrim.
And it is for all these reasons that there are 3 things in my life of which I can be sure: death, taxes and the world’s best husband turning into the world’s most fantastic, patient and awesome father.
Happy anniversary my snugglebottom…
Three Years On
It seems kinda strange to write about having been married for 3 years. On so many levels I can’t believe it at all. I never thought I’d get married – find that special someone with whom I’d want to spend my life with – but I did and now it’s been 3 years. Sometimes I have to kick myself.
But it’s the times when I don’t kick myself – the times when I start taking it all for granted; the times when I start judging and questioning – these are the moments that have to be called into account.
I guess on a lot of levels Daniel and I have become very comfortable with each other. On the one hand that’s great – we’ve gotten to a point of huge trust and acceptance – but on the other hand it has the flip side of going hand in hand with taking each other for granted. I forget how wonderful and complete it feels to be married to someone as wonderful as Daniel; as kind, patient, loving, giving and fun as Daniel, but this goes with sometimes not feeling as special to him as I would like as on some levels he feels that comfort level with me.
Not only have we been married for 3 years, but this year changed with the miraculous, wonderful birth of our first born son. What’s ironic about this miracle is that he really hasn’t changed or disrupted our lives as we hear is so often the case with a baby. This is in part because Daniel is an unusual father. Not only is he – for all intents and purposes – a stay at home dad, he’s also a hardworking professional who gives 100% (if not more) to his work, as well as 100% to his child. Of course, indirectly this means he’s giving 100% to me, who chose to be a stay at home mum.
Going from a couple to a family has of course, meant that the dynamics of our marriage has changed. Whereas I was very content for us to be independent on many levels before Golan Moshe’s birth, now I want our lives to be more integrated. Sometimes, for Daniel, I suppose I want too much of that and I come across as needy. But that’s what marriage is all about; Daniel accepts it. He’s committed and devoted and while he doesn’t have those needs like I do, he realizes that this is the way things are.
Just tonight, after spending a weekend with a bunch of guests, I turned round to Daniel and asked, “don’t you crave alone time with me?” “No,” he answered, out there as ever (one of the things I really love about him), “…in that way you and I are very different.” And that was the end of that.
So what I’m learning is that my needs in our marriage have changed. But what I must remember simultaneous is that Daniel’s haven’t and that who he was 3 years ago is exactly why I wanted to marry him and fell in love. He didn’t demand anything from me; he did things that made himself happy; he was a hard worker and a happy, smiley face to be around and he showed me how great life can be. A wise woman said to me at the time, “the things you fall in love with so much in the beginning are those things that will ultimately irritate you.” I smiled at the time, pretending I understood, but now I feel it. What this means is that you’re crazy in love with things about your partner, probably precisely because they’re antithetical to you. Whilst that’s very attractive initially, it can come to drive you crazy later on!
But like I said, Daniel hasn’t changed. And I wouldn’t really want him to! And I must try to see that while it seems like at times we take each other for granted (and thus I don’t feel as special as I’d like), really it’s not that. It’s just that we’ve become a family, our dynamics have changed and we must both focus and remember each day – nay, each moment of each day – all those wonderful qualities that led us to make the decision to dedicate ourselves to each other exclusively.
Every year in a marriage is different. But in a good marriage, every year is special, just in different ways. This year has been special in its growth and challenges. We’ve grown from a couple (with a dog) to a family. And life is all about growing with changes rather than shying away from them.
It seems kinda strange to write about having been married for 3 years. On so many levels I can’t believe it at all. I never thought I’d get married – find that special someone with whom I’d want to spend my life with – but I did and now it’s been 3 years. Sometimes I have to kick myself.
But it’s the times when I don’t kick myself – the times when I start taking it all for granted; the times when I start judging and questioning – these are the moments that have to be called into account.
I guess on a lot of levels Daniel and I have become very comfortable with each other. On the one hand that’s great – we’ve gotten to a point of huge trust and acceptance – but on the other hand it has the flip side of going hand in hand with taking each other for granted. I forget how wonderful and complete it feels to be married to someone as wonderful as Daniel; as kind, patient, loving, giving and fun as Daniel, but this goes with sometimes not feeling as special to him as I would like as on some levels he feels that comfort level with me.
Not only have we been married for 3 years, but this year changed with the miraculous, wonderful birth of our first born son. What’s ironic about this miracle is that he really hasn’t changed or disrupted our lives as we hear is so often the case with a baby. This is in part because Daniel is an unusual father. Not only is he – for all intents and purposes – a stay at home dad, he’s also a hardworking professional who gives 100% (if not more) to his work, as well as 100% to his child. Of course, indirectly this means he’s giving 100% to me, who chose to be a stay at home mum.
Going from a couple to a family has of course, meant that the dynamics of our marriage has changed. Whereas I was very content for us to be independent on many levels before Golan Moshe’s birth, now I want our lives to be more integrated. Sometimes, for Daniel, I suppose I want too much of that and I come across as needy. But that’s what marriage is all about; Daniel accepts it. He’s committed and devoted and while he doesn’t have those needs like I do, he realizes that this is the way things are.
Just tonight, after spending a weekend with a bunch of guests, I turned round to Daniel and asked, “don’t you crave alone time with me?” “No,” he answered, out there as ever (one of the things I really love about him), “…in that way you and I are very different.” And that was the end of that.
So what I’m learning is that my needs in our marriage have changed. But what I must remember simultaneous is that Daniel’s haven’t and that who he was 3 years ago is exactly why I wanted to marry him and fell in love. He didn’t demand anything from me; he did things that made himself happy; he was a hard worker and a happy, smiley face to be around and he showed me how great life can be. A wise woman said to me at the time, “the things you fall in love with so much in the beginning are those things that will ultimately irritate you.” I smiled at the time, pretending I understood, but now I feel it. What this means is that you’re crazy in love with things about your partner, probably precisely because they’re antithetical to you. Whilst that’s very attractive initially, it can come to drive you crazy later on!
But like I said, Daniel hasn’t changed. And I wouldn’t really want him to! And I must try to see that while it seems like at times we take each other for granted (and thus I don’t feel as special as I’d like), really it’s not that. It’s just that we’ve become a family, our dynamics have changed and we must both focus and remember each day – nay, each moment of each day – all those wonderful qualities that led us to make the decision to dedicate ourselves to each other exclusively.
Every year in a marriage is different. But in a good marriage, every year is special, just in different ways. This year has been special in its growth and challenges. We’ve grown from a couple (with a dog) to a family. And life is all about growing with changes rather than shying away from them.
Daniel my love,
Our fourth anniversary is marked by flowers and fruit
Two things perhaps about which you are quite moot
But I thought and I tried
And I think I did find
A gift for the two of us, more precious than loot.
So to gardener Yair, I gave a bell
And the idea of mushrooms I tried to sell
“Oh, no” said he,
“That just can’t be,
But a passiflora plant, I will make gel.”
Then I thought to myself, how very apt
Oh how many times have I wondered and sat
At all our mixed species
And so many odd pieces
We both seem to cover ending up in a spat.
You see what’s great about this plant
Is that it never says “I can’t.”
With over 500 types,
From mellow to hype
It climbs and climbs, and just wants to dance.
Daniel, what I’m really trying to say
On this milestone of a day
Is that no matter
How we banter
I’m glad I chose you to be my sunshine and ray.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!
Our fourth anniversary is marked by flowers and fruit
Two things perhaps about which you are quite moot
But I thought and I tried
And I think I did find
A gift for the two of us, more precious than loot.
So to gardener Yair, I gave a bell
And the idea of mushrooms I tried to sell
“Oh, no” said he,
“That just can’t be,
But a passiflora plant, I will make gel.”
Then I thought to myself, how very apt
Oh how many times have I wondered and sat
At all our mixed species
And so many odd pieces
We both seem to cover ending up in a spat.
You see what’s great about this plant
Is that it never says “I can’t.”
With over 500 types,
From mellow to hype
It climbs and climbs, and just wants to dance.
Daniel, what I’m really trying to say
On this milestone of a day
Is that no matter
How we banter
I’m glad I chose you to be my sunshine and ray.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!
Can you believe it’s been 5 years
Of blessings galore and just a few tears
We’ve really achieved a phenomenal amount
Too many brachot to sit down and count.
You’ve helped me do so many things
From the day you gave me those two rings
Drinking our coffee on that first date in Hillel
It was clear you and I were so going to gel.
But what we couldn’t know then and only know now
Was the sweetness life could bring, oh and how
Not just you, but our two awesome boys
Are clearly way better than all the world’s toys.
Daniel, I know it’s not always a bed of roses
But life isn’t real with just camera and poses
I know overall we make a great pair
Because about each other we really do care.
So thank you for a great marital start
You really do have an awesome huge heart
I hope the next 5 years are as great
As that night in Hillel, our very first date.
Of blessings galore and just a few tears
We’ve really achieved a phenomenal amount
Too many brachot to sit down and count.
You’ve helped me do so many things
From the day you gave me those two rings
Drinking our coffee on that first date in Hillel
It was clear you and I were so going to gel.
But what we couldn’t know then and only know now
Was the sweetness life could bring, oh and how
Not just you, but our two awesome boys
Are clearly way better than all the world’s toys.
Daniel, I know it’s not always a bed of roses
But life isn’t real with just camera and poses
I know overall we make a great pair
Because about each other we really do care.
So thank you for a great marital start
You really do have an awesome huge heart
I hope the next 5 years are as great
As that night in Hillel, our very first date.
Marking Two “Happies”
This year, because it’s so “early” Daniel and I celebrate our anniversary the day after our country honours its birthday. Initially I started to panic about that, as, given that Daniel and I have such different ideas on how to mark the birth of our country and can thus end up at loggerheads on this momentous occasion, going into the next day might well leave a bitter taste in our mouths…not really such a positive time to celebrate wedded bliss.
But then I began to think a little bit more philosophically. What’s Yom Haatzmaut really meant to be about? As my father noted in his recent devar Torah on the topic, it is to mark “the miracle encountered by the entire Jewish community in the land of Israel – [the place where we live] – renewing our national sovereignty and independence. Thus it was determined by the Rabbis that Hallel should be recited on this day, starting with ‘Hodu lashem ki tov, ki le'olam chasdo – Praise the Lord, for He is good; His steadfast love is eternal.' The establishment of the State of Israel marks the beginning of our redemption from the long period of exile. Jews lived through many adversities in exile and we have now returned to our own land, from the four corners of the earth, to build cities, plant fields and vineyards.”
Having read these wise words noted by my father, I started thinking about my own journey [yes Daniel, it really is all about me…] and realized just how stupid it is that we were disputing which way to mark the occasion. Truthfully, while I had a pretty good life before I met Daniel, in many ways, since I hadn’t established a unit or a family – as BH I have done today – I very much felt like I too was in exile whereby I was forced to encounter “many adversities.” Moreover, I was sad without a partner. But once we wed, it was like I “returned to the land” and indeed, from that moment on 8 years ago, I felt like I was truly appreciating it as G-d had intended…milk, honey ‘n’ all.
Further, had the state of Israel not been created, it is highly unlikely Daniel and I would have even met! Thus for my husband too – however “free” he felt he was before we got married – getting together “from the four corners of the earth to build cities, plant fields and vineyards and open up mancaves”, has been a redemption.
It is also noteworthy to me that this is the first time since we have been married that our anniversary is so close to Yom Haatzmaut. I personally believe this to be somewhat significant given the status the number 8 has in Judaism (baby boy needs to wait 8 days ‘til he is entered into the Covenant (we have been 2 boys); the 8 days of the Hanukah miracle) as well as our personal lives – the prevalent 8 ball game played on Sunday nights in Mancave.
May we be zocheh as we mark Israel’s 65th birthday and Daniel and I reach the 8th year of matrimony that we manage to “see clearly now the rain has gone” [a song in our wedding music video] (and be grateful it didn’t rain on Daniel’s Yom Haatzmaut Street Fair) and not fail to see the forest for the trees in our ever-growing land and most notably, our continuously developing Haketoret Street. Happy 65th Israel…and happy 8th Emma and Daniel.
This year, because it’s so “early” Daniel and I celebrate our anniversary the day after our country honours its birthday. Initially I started to panic about that, as, given that Daniel and I have such different ideas on how to mark the birth of our country and can thus end up at loggerheads on this momentous occasion, going into the next day might well leave a bitter taste in our mouths…not really such a positive time to celebrate wedded bliss.
But then I began to think a little bit more philosophically. What’s Yom Haatzmaut really meant to be about? As my father noted in his recent devar Torah on the topic, it is to mark “the miracle encountered by the entire Jewish community in the land of Israel – [the place where we live] – renewing our national sovereignty and independence. Thus it was determined by the Rabbis that Hallel should be recited on this day, starting with ‘Hodu lashem ki tov, ki le'olam chasdo – Praise the Lord, for He is good; His steadfast love is eternal.' The establishment of the State of Israel marks the beginning of our redemption from the long period of exile. Jews lived through many adversities in exile and we have now returned to our own land, from the four corners of the earth, to build cities, plant fields and vineyards.”
Having read these wise words noted by my father, I started thinking about my own journey [yes Daniel, it really is all about me…] and realized just how stupid it is that we were disputing which way to mark the occasion. Truthfully, while I had a pretty good life before I met Daniel, in many ways, since I hadn’t established a unit or a family – as BH I have done today – I very much felt like I too was in exile whereby I was forced to encounter “many adversities.” Moreover, I was sad without a partner. But once we wed, it was like I “returned to the land” and indeed, from that moment on 8 years ago, I felt like I was truly appreciating it as G-d had intended…milk, honey ‘n’ all.
Further, had the state of Israel not been created, it is highly unlikely Daniel and I would have even met! Thus for my husband too – however “free” he felt he was before we got married – getting together “from the four corners of the earth to build cities, plant fields and vineyards and open up mancaves”, has been a redemption.
It is also noteworthy to me that this is the first time since we have been married that our anniversary is so close to Yom Haatzmaut. I personally believe this to be somewhat significant given the status the number 8 has in Judaism (baby boy needs to wait 8 days ‘til he is entered into the Covenant (we have been 2 boys); the 8 days of the Hanukah miracle) as well as our personal lives – the prevalent 8 ball game played on Sunday nights in Mancave.
May we be zocheh as we mark Israel’s 65th birthday and Daniel and I reach the 8th year of matrimony that we manage to “see clearly now the rain has gone” [a song in our wedding music video] (and be grateful it didn’t rain on Daniel’s Yom Haatzmaut Street Fair) and not fail to see the forest for the trees in our ever-growing land and most notably, our continuously developing Haketoret Street. Happy 65th Israel…and happy 8th Emma and Daniel.
When I first considered what to connect between 9 and our anniversary, I came up with a blank. But then I realized how significant the number is for us right now, given that just this week – a mere few days before celebrating our 9th anniversary – a 9th tortoise joined our home. Over the last 9 years of marriage, Daniel and I have built a lot and been blessed with a ton including: 1 dog, 2 kids and now, 9 tortoises.
After I’d figured out the tortoise connection, I then read something beautiful connected to Judaism too. 9 is the only number, that no matter how many times it is added or multiplied, its end sum added into itself equals 9. According to Rabbi Dr. Hillel ben David, any number times nine equals nine (18, 27, 36, 45, 54, 63 etc), in mispar katan.
Further, the ninth letter of the Hebrew alphabet is Tet. That letter is linked to the concept of truth. Indeed, we read in Mishlei 12:19:
The lip of truth (Emet) shall be established forever; but a lying tongue is but for a moment.
Truth and trust has always been a big deal for me. I firmly believe that without those two assets a couple would not reach their 9th anniversary. So for me, 9, tet and 9 years of marriage represents trust, truth, and building. And truth is about permanence as falseness is – as we read in Mishlei – just for a moment.
Moving back to Sonic and the tortoises, it’s quite fitting that Golan named the 9th one Sonic. This is because Sonic is probably the world’s only hedgehog with blue skin, and it just so happens that blue is the only colour Daniel and I have a common love for.
Here’s to many more, happy, healthy and wholesome years together with all our families.
After I’d figured out the tortoise connection, I then read something beautiful connected to Judaism too. 9 is the only number, that no matter how many times it is added or multiplied, its end sum added into itself equals 9. According to Rabbi Dr. Hillel ben David, any number times nine equals nine (18, 27, 36, 45, 54, 63 etc), in mispar katan.
Further, the ninth letter of the Hebrew alphabet is Tet. That letter is linked to the concept of truth. Indeed, we read in Mishlei 12:19:
The lip of truth (Emet) shall be established forever; but a lying tongue is but for a moment.
Truth and trust has always been a big deal for me. I firmly believe that without those two assets a couple would not reach their 9th anniversary. So for me, 9, tet and 9 years of marriage represents trust, truth, and building. And truth is about permanence as falseness is – as we read in Mishlei – just for a moment.
Moving back to Sonic and the tortoises, it’s quite fitting that Golan named the 9th one Sonic. This is because Sonic is probably the world’s only hedgehog with blue skin, and it just so happens that blue is the only colour Daniel and I have a common love for.
Here’s to many more, happy, healthy and wholesome years together with all our families.
We have now been married for 10 years. It’s a huge milestone. We have been blessed with so much during this decade together, perhaps most significantly: two kids, one dog and nine/ten tortoises depending on what day you find yourself in our garden. This year has also witnessed the permanent abode of the beit Knesset we helped to launch, right next door. And I believe that the link between what we’ve built personally and what we’ve constructed as a community is not as the Israelis would say just “stum.”
So that leads me to the theme of this anniversary with you about things that are “right next to each other.” This is how a married couple in my opinion is meant to be – standing next to each other. When you get married you don’t become “one.” You remain two units, but next to each other. Indeed, I always loved the midrashic idea about how Judaic marriage is meant to be a bit like the cherubim that first face each other, then in time turn away from each other only to ultimately return to face each other in a much more meaningful way. That is the hope and prayer at least anyway.
What that means is that a real, true marriage can be about turning away from each other but then coming back together in a stronger way… but throughout that process, always standing next to each other.
The number ten is significant both in Judaism and paganism (and you and me both love the latter as well). For a start, ten in Hebrew is represented by the letter yud. And when you have two yuds standing “right next to each other,” you have Hashem. When you bring Hashem into the marriage, you have the success of unity that religious married couples strive for. In addition, yud is the most hidden of all Hebrew letters and the Torah’s most fundamental and formative number. In Kabalah, 10 is the ‘Tree of Life’, with its 10 gleaming centres of life and power. The Kabbalistic Tree is formed of the 10 centres or points of light through which the entire process of creation is given numerically.
I feel Daniel that each year I’ve spent with you has been blessed. Yes we’ve had times of “turning away from each other,” but we’ve continued to stand “right next to each other” even during those times. There’s been conflict but so much love. There have been disagreements but so much fun. There have been challenges but so much ease. You’ve been behind making things fun and yes, I’ve been there sometimes drawing you back to reality! Together, standing next to each other, over these ten years I think we’ve made a pretty awesome team. And our kids, dog and tortoises would have a hard time disagreeing as they stand around us, encircling the ‘Tree of Life’ we’ve created.
I can’t wait for the next 10 years and hope they are as awesome as these have been. Thank you for being “right next to me,” throughout all of this. Thank you for marrying me.
So that leads me to the theme of this anniversary with you about things that are “right next to each other.” This is how a married couple in my opinion is meant to be – standing next to each other. When you get married you don’t become “one.” You remain two units, but next to each other. Indeed, I always loved the midrashic idea about how Judaic marriage is meant to be a bit like the cherubim that first face each other, then in time turn away from each other only to ultimately return to face each other in a much more meaningful way. That is the hope and prayer at least anyway.
What that means is that a real, true marriage can be about turning away from each other but then coming back together in a stronger way… but throughout that process, always standing next to each other.
The number ten is significant both in Judaism and paganism (and you and me both love the latter as well). For a start, ten in Hebrew is represented by the letter yud. And when you have two yuds standing “right next to each other,” you have Hashem. When you bring Hashem into the marriage, you have the success of unity that religious married couples strive for. In addition, yud is the most hidden of all Hebrew letters and the Torah’s most fundamental and formative number. In Kabalah, 10 is the ‘Tree of Life’, with its 10 gleaming centres of life and power. The Kabbalistic Tree is formed of the 10 centres or points of light through which the entire process of creation is given numerically.
I feel Daniel that each year I’ve spent with you has been blessed. Yes we’ve had times of “turning away from each other,” but we’ve continued to stand “right next to each other” even during those times. There’s been conflict but so much love. There have been disagreements but so much fun. There have been challenges but so much ease. You’ve been behind making things fun and yes, I’ve been there sometimes drawing you back to reality! Together, standing next to each other, over these ten years I think we’ve made a pretty awesome team. And our kids, dog and tortoises would have a hard time disagreeing as they stand around us, encircling the ‘Tree of Life’ we’ve created.
I can’t wait for the next 10 years and hope they are as awesome as these have been. Thank you for being “right next to me,” throughout all of this. Thank you for marrying me.
We’re not living in easy times. As Jews, as communities, as families, as individuals. There is a real sense – for me at least anyway – that Moshiach must be on his way as the struggles we’re encountering right now are running deep.
I have friends with major health issues – both mental and physical. I have friends who cannot afford to put food on the table – literally. I have friends who are going through terrible, ugly, divorces. And then I have friends who have never even married and are likely to never have children either.
I have friends who have terrible jobs. I have friends with jobs that demean them financially or in other ways. And then I have friends who haven’t worked in months, some of them years.
I have friends who are living in the south of the country, who are not really living right now, for all intents and purposes. I have friends who have sit and wait, night after night, as their heroic sons fight in Gaza. I have friends who are living in Europe, who know wherever they go, they are hated, demonized and wanted out. And I have friends who are living in America, who apparently are still oblivious to the world’s view of their religion.
So these are not easy times. And I for sure am not sitting here, blasé thinking all is well with the world.
But at the same time I do have to say I’m grateful. You see, from a personal perspective – despite the issues with which I myself am contending (we all have our pekelach) – I can honestly say I’m truly, deeply, happy. Terrified of course – one never knows what will be tomorrow or even in an hour. But for now – for right now – my joy is unparalleled and it’s actually because of all the craziness and because I don’t know what’s going to be that I need to record this moment in time.
I remember the two times I was zocheh to give birth to a healthy baby boy. I couldn’t understand why so many people resented being in the hospital when they gave birth. To me, there was really nothing better. Why? Because it’s likely that when you give birth to a healthy baby, this is the only time in your life that you will experience such complete, unmatchable, indestructible joy. Nothing exists to interfere with or detach from this joy. And there are tons of people walking around the hospital who are sharing in that moment with you. It’s not often a long moment, but it’s a moment. And it should be recorded.
That’s not exactly where I am right now. I don’t think anyone is, living in these times. I think that given what we as a people are going through, it’s simply impossible unless one is wearing blinkers (which apparently the rest of the world is, but I digress). But that doesn’t take away from what I do have and that is, deep joy and tremendous gratitude.
And I talk about where I am personally. It is true that we are not quite making it financially. And don’t get me wrong, that puts a huge burden on us. But what is incredulous to me at this moment in time, is how we’re responding to the situation, how we’re treating each other and what that means in the grander scheme of things.
The fact that I have finally come to a point in my life (at the grand old age of 43) of realizing what is truly important and what honestly makes a difference is nothing short of a gift. Yes, money does matter and yes it sucks when you struggle but encountering this challenge with a life partner who is so much more than you ever dreamed possible, who makes your life so much more smiley than even the Hollywood movies depict, who treats you and everyone around him with so much more respect than you ever really witnessed during other parts of your life, is priceless. Added to that is the fact that with this life partner, and through my own work, I am becoming the best kind of me, something I’ve wanted to be my whole life.
In addition to that, having a family, being part of a unit that is good, healthy, loving and “normal” is sometimes just even a little bit unbelievable to someone like me.
And doing all of that, not only in Israel, but in a city/yishuv/whateverit’scalled where I can walk the streets knowing it’s the same ones our forefathers graced with their feet, truly creates a massive boom of joy far greater than anything Hamas or any other aggressor has been consistently throwing at us these last few weeks.
Bless you Daniel, bless you heroic IDF and bless You Hashem.
I have friends with major health issues – both mental and physical. I have friends who cannot afford to put food on the table – literally. I have friends who are going through terrible, ugly, divorces. And then I have friends who have never even married and are likely to never have children either.
I have friends who have terrible jobs. I have friends with jobs that demean them financially or in other ways. And then I have friends who haven’t worked in months, some of them years.
I have friends who are living in the south of the country, who are not really living right now, for all intents and purposes. I have friends who have sit and wait, night after night, as their heroic sons fight in Gaza. I have friends who are living in Europe, who know wherever they go, they are hated, demonized and wanted out. And I have friends who are living in America, who apparently are still oblivious to the world’s view of their religion.
So these are not easy times. And I for sure am not sitting here, blasé thinking all is well with the world.
But at the same time I do have to say I’m grateful. You see, from a personal perspective – despite the issues with which I myself am contending (we all have our pekelach) – I can honestly say I’m truly, deeply, happy. Terrified of course – one never knows what will be tomorrow or even in an hour. But for now – for right now – my joy is unparalleled and it’s actually because of all the craziness and because I don’t know what’s going to be that I need to record this moment in time.
I remember the two times I was zocheh to give birth to a healthy baby boy. I couldn’t understand why so many people resented being in the hospital when they gave birth. To me, there was really nothing better. Why? Because it’s likely that when you give birth to a healthy baby, this is the only time in your life that you will experience such complete, unmatchable, indestructible joy. Nothing exists to interfere with or detach from this joy. And there are tons of people walking around the hospital who are sharing in that moment with you. It’s not often a long moment, but it’s a moment. And it should be recorded.
That’s not exactly where I am right now. I don’t think anyone is, living in these times. I think that given what we as a people are going through, it’s simply impossible unless one is wearing blinkers (which apparently the rest of the world is, but I digress). But that doesn’t take away from what I do have and that is, deep joy and tremendous gratitude.
And I talk about where I am personally. It is true that we are not quite making it financially. And don’t get me wrong, that puts a huge burden on us. But what is incredulous to me at this moment in time, is how we’re responding to the situation, how we’re treating each other and what that means in the grander scheme of things.
The fact that I have finally come to a point in my life (at the grand old age of 43) of realizing what is truly important and what honestly makes a difference is nothing short of a gift. Yes, money does matter and yes it sucks when you struggle but encountering this challenge with a life partner who is so much more than you ever dreamed possible, who makes your life so much more smiley than even the Hollywood movies depict, who treats you and everyone around him with so much more respect than you ever really witnessed during other parts of your life, is priceless. Added to that is the fact that with this life partner, and through my own work, I am becoming the best kind of me, something I’ve wanted to be my whole life.
In addition to that, having a family, being part of a unit that is good, healthy, loving and “normal” is sometimes just even a little bit unbelievable to someone like me.
And doing all of that, not only in Israel, but in a city/yishuv/whateverit’scalled where I can walk the streets knowing it’s the same ones our forefathers graced with their feet, truly creates a massive boom of joy far greater than anything Hamas or any other aggressor has been consistently throwing at us these last few weeks.
Bless you Daniel, bless you heroic IDF and bless You Hashem.
Rosh Hashana is just around the corner. In years gone by, during Elul I would try to find well-written scholastic articles to read on the auspicious chag, do teshuva and discover yet more symbolic meanings of the shofar. I have to confess that since having kids, I do that less. I do it, but it’s not my focus.
Rosh Hashana this year is “3 days” again. It’s happened a lot in the last few years. But when I first made aliya – 19 years ago – I don’t remember it happening all that often. The one time I do remember it happening, was a decade ago.
I was single. Still. And I was dreading the upcoming High Holy Days. Much as I loved seeing mum and dad who by then were living in Netanya, the thought of 3 days straight with them and their friends wasn’t so appealing. The thought of figuring out 6 meals with my single friends, didn’t exactly excite me either. I didn’t know what to do.
I eventually decided that I would stay home. One meal I would make for guests, one meal I would stay home alone, and the rest I would somehow figure out. I started planning this out pretty early. By around mid-August (a month before the beginning of the Jewish New Year), I had all but sorted out my whereabouts for those 6 meals.
But, as they say, man plans and G-d laughs. In this particular scenario it was 33-year-old single Jewish white female plans and G-d takes a front seat and says “just hang on a second.” On the 25th of August I met Daniel Sass. Less than 2 months later, he was to become my fiancé. We ended up spending half of that Rosh Hashanah together (me not wanting to renege on my plans) and have never been apart since.
As I dashed into my garden yesterday on the not-yet-tree-lined streets of Zayit Benei Beitcha to pick figs to make a pie for the holiday, I had an interesting thought. Again we are approaching a “3 day” Rosh Hashanah. But this time it hadn’t even occurred to me til then.
And that’s because I didn’t have to worry that I would be alone for any of the meals. I didn’t have to be sad that I hadn’t yet prepared enough reading materials on the spirituality of the day (although that would be nice). And I didn’t have to choose between being with my parents and their friends or getting invited by my single friends.
Don’t get me wrong – I love my parents and single friends very much. But for me it feels like Rosh Hashana is for families. And the fact that I have a family makes me incredible grateful. And the fact that I am able to pick one of the seven species from my very own garden, here in eretz Yisrael, the garden my two kids, dog and 9 turtles like to run around on, is perhaps more of a spiritual injection that anything I may find online to print out.
Rosh Hashana this year is “3 days” again. It’s happened a lot in the last few years. But when I first made aliya – 19 years ago – I don’t remember it happening all that often. The one time I do remember it happening, was a decade ago.
I was single. Still. And I was dreading the upcoming High Holy Days. Much as I loved seeing mum and dad who by then were living in Netanya, the thought of 3 days straight with them and their friends wasn’t so appealing. The thought of figuring out 6 meals with my single friends, didn’t exactly excite me either. I didn’t know what to do.
I eventually decided that I would stay home. One meal I would make for guests, one meal I would stay home alone, and the rest I would somehow figure out. I started planning this out pretty early. By around mid-August (a month before the beginning of the Jewish New Year), I had all but sorted out my whereabouts for those 6 meals.
But, as they say, man plans and G-d laughs. In this particular scenario it was 33-year-old single Jewish white female plans and G-d takes a front seat and says “just hang on a second.” On the 25th of August I met Daniel Sass. Less than 2 months later, he was to become my fiancé. We ended up spending half of that Rosh Hashanah together (me not wanting to renege on my plans) and have never been apart since.
As I dashed into my garden yesterday on the not-yet-tree-lined streets of Zayit Benei Beitcha to pick figs to make a pie for the holiday, I had an interesting thought. Again we are approaching a “3 day” Rosh Hashanah. But this time it hadn’t even occurred to me til then.
And that’s because I didn’t have to worry that I would be alone for any of the meals. I didn’t have to be sad that I hadn’t yet prepared enough reading materials on the spirituality of the day (although that would be nice). And I didn’t have to choose between being with my parents and their friends or getting invited by my single friends.
Don’t get me wrong – I love my parents and single friends very much. But for me it feels like Rosh Hashana is for families. And the fact that I have a family makes me incredible grateful. And the fact that I am able to pick one of the seven species from my very own garden, here in eretz Yisrael, the garden my two kids, dog and 9 turtles like to run around on, is perhaps more of a spiritual injection that anything I may find online to print out.
10 Random Things about my partner over the years that makes me smile when I think about them:
1. When he was single, the only edible item in his fridge were mini raspberry yogurts.
2. When he ends a sentence, rather than just drift off into nothingness he says: "And so..."
3. Whenever I go anywhere - from the pool, to the grocery store, to out with friends, his last words to me are: "Have fun."
4. When our dog was a puppy, to help him climb up to our bed, he made steps.
5. When one of our turtles had a fall, to comfort him, he gave him an eskimo kiss.
6. No matter what was going on his life, every single week until she passed in her 90s, he would call his grandma.
7. When I asked him what his girlfriends' biggest complaint was about him when he was dating, he said, "that I gave my bird more attention than them."
8. He has no problem admitting that the way he deals with emotions is by denying their existence.
9. When we had our first baby, he was disproportionately excited about the genius behind the Diaper Genie.
10. On that note, he was proud of how that newborn followed the colours of the poopy chart, given to us by the hospital.
1. When he was single, the only edible item in his fridge were mini raspberry yogurts.
2. When he ends a sentence, rather than just drift off into nothingness he says: "And so..."
3. Whenever I go anywhere - from the pool, to the grocery store, to out with friends, his last words to me are: "Have fun."
4. When our dog was a puppy, to help him climb up to our bed, he made steps.
5. When one of our turtles had a fall, to comfort him, he gave him an eskimo kiss.
6. No matter what was going on his life, every single week until she passed in her 90s, he would call his grandma.
7. When I asked him what his girlfriends' biggest complaint was about him when he was dating, he said, "that I gave my bird more attention than them."
8. He has no problem admitting that the way he deals with emotions is by denying their existence.
9. When we had our first baby, he was disproportionately excited about the genius behind the Diaper Genie.
10. On that note, he was proud of how that newborn followed the colours of the poopy chart, given to us by the hospital.
My dear sweet Daniel, my ish chamudim
Today is your birthday, as Eeyore would explain somewhat sarcastically “the happiest day of the year.” Except perhaps this year since it falls on our people’s saddest day, he might have a point.
A true dichotomy I was thinking this morning that your birthday falls out on Yom Hazikaron – the day we outwardly and publicly mourn our fallen heroes.
But then I thought perhaps not. And perhaps Eeyore’s words really were sarcastic and that there is much joy.
You see for me, not a day goes by – when I’m thinking about the miracle of eretz Yisrael – that I don’t automatically remember the terrorism that has been the price of it, and think of all those who have fallen, way too prematurely, to their death.
And it’s not like we just “move on,” because we don’t. We remember and we’re sad. But we do that every day. At the same time Israeli soldiers when they are inducted – as you and I have been zocheh to seen through our own nieces and nephews – have pride that they are serving to ensure the survival of our homeland, something so much bigger than an individual entity.
And then I thought about how perhaps the day – marking your 49 years on this earth – is not such a dichotomy after all. You made aliya. You made Israel your home. And because you did that you married me. You and I both know that we would never have met, dated, or gotten married anywhere BUT Israel for so many reasons; it may not be romantic but it’s the truth. Israel saved us; Israel brought us home…in so many ways.
And getting married in Israel and living our lives here with our parents, siblings, nieces and nephews, has resulted in the creation of our lives on Haketoret in Efrat’s Zayit neighbourhood. It’s led to the establishment of a beautiful family WITHIN a stunning community; a community that tomorrow – because of you – will be going crazy in blue and white, closing the street and shouting out loud ‘Am Yisrael Chai’ with no shame, no fear, just pride. Something that can’t be done anywhere else in the world.
Yom Hazikaron falling out on your birthday this year just shows me even more how if we are to survive the perils of anti-Semitism and anti-Zionism, we must take a leaf out of your book and smile for what we DO have, rather than cry for what we DON’T have.
Daniel, from the moment I met you I saw how you took bad and turned it into good. Just like your maternal grandparents did after surviving the Shoah. It may irritate the hell out of me sometimes but ultimately I chose it because I knew that was the way I wanted to live. I hope that as your family and your community, we have the capacity to do the same and we do you proud.
Happy Birthday to an incredible man.
Today is your birthday, as Eeyore would explain somewhat sarcastically “the happiest day of the year.” Except perhaps this year since it falls on our people’s saddest day, he might have a point.
A true dichotomy I was thinking this morning that your birthday falls out on Yom Hazikaron – the day we outwardly and publicly mourn our fallen heroes.
But then I thought perhaps not. And perhaps Eeyore’s words really were sarcastic and that there is much joy.
You see for me, not a day goes by – when I’m thinking about the miracle of eretz Yisrael – that I don’t automatically remember the terrorism that has been the price of it, and think of all those who have fallen, way too prematurely, to their death.
And it’s not like we just “move on,” because we don’t. We remember and we’re sad. But we do that every day. At the same time Israeli soldiers when they are inducted – as you and I have been zocheh to seen through our own nieces and nephews – have pride that they are serving to ensure the survival of our homeland, something so much bigger than an individual entity.
And then I thought about how perhaps the day – marking your 49 years on this earth – is not such a dichotomy after all. You made aliya. You made Israel your home. And because you did that you married me. You and I both know that we would never have met, dated, or gotten married anywhere BUT Israel for so many reasons; it may not be romantic but it’s the truth. Israel saved us; Israel brought us home…in so many ways.
And getting married in Israel and living our lives here with our parents, siblings, nieces and nephews, has resulted in the creation of our lives on Haketoret in Efrat’s Zayit neighbourhood. It’s led to the establishment of a beautiful family WITHIN a stunning community; a community that tomorrow – because of you – will be going crazy in blue and white, closing the street and shouting out loud ‘Am Yisrael Chai’ with no shame, no fear, just pride. Something that can’t be done anywhere else in the world.
Yom Hazikaron falling out on your birthday this year just shows me even more how if we are to survive the perils of anti-Semitism and anti-Zionism, we must take a leaf out of your book and smile for what we DO have, rather than cry for what we DON’T have.
Daniel, from the moment I met you I saw how you took bad and turned it into good. Just like your maternal grandparents did after surviving the Shoah. It may irritate the hell out of me sometimes but ultimately I chose it because I knew that was the way I wanted to live. I hope that as your family and your community, we have the capacity to do the same and we do you proud.
Happy Birthday to an incredible man.
There is so much talk about being the perfect parent. If you are not giving your kid sky-diving lessons by the time they’re 7, then you must somehow be failing as a parent. Those who are not teaching their kids Chinese or Arabic at 4-years old should really be receiving a visit from social services.
So as I prepared my 8-year old’s aruchat eser I gave a little chuckle. Wow I really did become one of those mums who gives chocolate spread on white bread no less. Wrapped in a plastic bag I righteously added a non-organic, non-washed cucumber to the box and closed it up ready for the morning.
What happened to giving my child organically-grown, fresh produce with non-genetically modified protein and a carrot sliced into the shape of a petal every day? Where was the nutrition in this meal? How could I expect to not be called a ‘bad’ mummy when sending my kid of to school with this kind of food?
And then it occurred to me that it MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO DIFFERENCE right now what I give my kid to eat. I’m not advocating bad nutrition here or not trying to give your child opportunities through which he or she could personally thrive. Neither am I advocating not helping your kid excel at school and have a good social life. But I am advocating getting a bit of a grip.
What kind of reality do we live in these days in Israel? I could ask the same for any country actually. Because much as we think we do, life is unpredictable. Much as those parents in the UK or US think they know exactly where their kids are and what kind of people are with them 24/7 they are mistaken. It is just that in Israel, right now, it feels more pronounced as we see our very own friends’ kids (less than 0.1 degree of separation here) not return home due to the vile act of terrorism.
So right now when we’re witnessing and living through this reality of terror on every street corner, a potential stabbing at our local grocery store, the thought of the car with the Arab numberplate next to us in the driving lane deciding to ram into our car and take the lives of our innocent family, let’s think again about what kind of parent we really are.
Because here’s what I’m thinking: being a bad mummy is not about how many extra curricular opportunities you offer your child, or what type of food you give them, or even if they are up-to-date on the latest Nike shoe fashion, it’s just about being there.
Being there is a tremendous gift. One we don’t know we’re going to get every single consecutive day. One that the Arabs are making us realize every minute of every terrorist act is not a given (although we really should know that for ourselves). I therefore purport that being a bad mummy is taking the whole mummy thing for granted in the first place and spending way too much time worrying about lessons in Chinese and organic almond butter spread.
Because at the end of the day motherhood is a gift. And the only bad mummys out there are the ones who can’t see that.
The True Neshama of PHK (Pitom Haketoret)
The establishment, development and fortification of the PHK company has been a long process. During the dawn of its creation, my husband said to me: “this is the first time I’ve noticed the prayer for פרנסה during the Yamim Noraim.” And here we are again, right at that very same crossroads where we wonder collectively if our businesses will succeed or fail.
It was exactly this time last year, that three guys named Akiva, Daniel and Gabriel decided to embark on a pilgrimage together. One that has been taken many, many times before, by many, many other hopefuls. They decided that somehow they were going to earn a פרנסה in the land of their forefathers, in the very steps that were taken by Avraham and Yitzchak who passed through on their sojourn from Hebron to Mount Moriah.
Like our brave ancestors who made four valiant attempts throughout the last century to settle the land, the three men made various steps on their own journey to make the money needed to live the land. Ultimately it was the literal building of the land that came to fruition for them, just like with our pioneers who, after the 1967 war succeeded in the permanent settling of the Etzion Bloc.
And just like Daniel’s maternal grandfather – יצחק – that has the same gematria of בור – to dig (as in digging needed for renovation) did when he settled the land of America after surviving the Holocaust, the 3 musketeers went building on a spiritual route: יצחק by building the Shaarei Tefilah bima in Los Angeles, and the boys who made room for the masses at Shirat David, Efrat, Etzion Bloc, Israel.
At some point along their journey, the PHKers came to realize that strengthening and improving on the land for the quality of life of its inhabitants was the best way forward. PHK Home Improvement was thus born. One of the first major jobs of the company was the shul, Shirat David, to prepare and expand the premises for the upcoming Yamim Noraim.
This was no easy task. There was little time in which to complete the work at hand. A lot was at stake and the hours put in were gruesome. But that’s what it is when you build up the Jewish land. And to anyone who went to shul the first Friday night of its completion, the Shabbat of our very own Golan’s barmitzvah sedra – נצבים – (which is ‘we are standing’ – just like the strength of the shul’s new walls) agreed that not only did they complete it to perfection but they did it all while smiling, and with a generosity of heart and love perhaps unseen in home improvement renovations in the Etzion Bloc until this time.
It is no coincidence that the gematria of פהק is 185 and שלמה – our trusted and loved Rav is 375. When you take 185 away from 375 you’re left with 190, which is an incredibly significant number in Judaism, since it is ץק. Other than that being keitz, meaning “end” it is also Shlomo’s surname. No coincidence there. Keitz is what we are all praying for – the wondrous end, the time of the Geulah, the time of Moshiach – ץק שלמה is who we have for now, to sustain us until that time.
Getting back to פהק and 185 we find another interesting gematria: לי ודודי לדודי אני – Elul, which is where we are right now (at the time of the completion of the shul renovation and just as we go into Rosh Hashanah) as well as יעננה – the answer. Clearly this was the answer, not just for the shul, but also for PHK. That for true success, to really settle the land in an enhanced way, the real answer was to work on a spiritual project and then to come together, just before Rosh Hashanah נצבים, standing together, in prayer, in hope and in love at the end of Elul.
I take this opportunity to wish the business continued success along with the shul which is our vessel for beseeching Hashem to be kind to us all, as a community that stands together and in our own personal lives.
The establishment, development and fortification of the PHK company has been a long process. During the dawn of its creation, my husband said to me: “this is the first time I’ve noticed the prayer for פרנסה during the Yamim Noraim.” And here we are again, right at that very same crossroads where we wonder collectively if our businesses will succeed or fail.
It was exactly this time last year, that three guys named Akiva, Daniel and Gabriel decided to embark on a pilgrimage together. One that has been taken many, many times before, by many, many other hopefuls. They decided that somehow they were going to earn a פרנסה in the land of their forefathers, in the very steps that were taken by Avraham and Yitzchak who passed through on their sojourn from Hebron to Mount Moriah.
Like our brave ancestors who made four valiant attempts throughout the last century to settle the land, the three men made various steps on their own journey to make the money needed to live the land. Ultimately it was the literal building of the land that came to fruition for them, just like with our pioneers who, after the 1967 war succeeded in the permanent settling of the Etzion Bloc.
And just like Daniel’s maternal grandfather – יצחק – that has the same gematria of בור – to dig (as in digging needed for renovation) did when he settled the land of America after surviving the Holocaust, the 3 musketeers went building on a spiritual route: יצחק by building the Shaarei Tefilah bima in Los Angeles, and the boys who made room for the masses at Shirat David, Efrat, Etzion Bloc, Israel.
At some point along their journey, the PHKers came to realize that strengthening and improving on the land for the quality of life of its inhabitants was the best way forward. PHK Home Improvement was thus born. One of the first major jobs of the company was the shul, Shirat David, to prepare and expand the premises for the upcoming Yamim Noraim.
This was no easy task. There was little time in which to complete the work at hand. A lot was at stake and the hours put in were gruesome. But that’s what it is when you build up the Jewish land. And to anyone who went to shul the first Friday night of its completion, the Shabbat of our very own Golan’s barmitzvah sedra – נצבים – (which is ‘we are standing’ – just like the strength of the shul’s new walls) agreed that not only did they complete it to perfection but they did it all while smiling, and with a generosity of heart and love perhaps unseen in home improvement renovations in the Etzion Bloc until this time.
It is no coincidence that the gematria of פהק is 185 and שלמה – our trusted and loved Rav is 375. When you take 185 away from 375 you’re left with 190, which is an incredibly significant number in Judaism, since it is ץק. Other than that being keitz, meaning “end” it is also Shlomo’s surname. No coincidence there. Keitz is what we are all praying for – the wondrous end, the time of the Geulah, the time of Moshiach – ץק שלמה is who we have for now, to sustain us until that time.
Getting back to פהק and 185 we find another interesting gematria: לי ודודי לדודי אני – Elul, which is where we are right now (at the time of the completion of the shul renovation and just as we go into Rosh Hashanah) as well as יעננה – the answer. Clearly this was the answer, not just for the shul, but also for PHK. That for true success, to really settle the land in an enhanced way, the real answer was to work on a spiritual project and then to come together, just before Rosh Hashanah נצבים, standing together, in prayer, in hope and in love at the end of Elul.
I take this opportunity to wish the business continued success along with the shul which is our vessel for beseeching Hashem to be kind to us all, as a community that stands together and in our own personal lives.
Yesterday we had the zechut to be part of Shlomo Katz’s beautiful הכנסת ספר תורהfor the shul that we partly founded, Shirat David. Daniel was given an even greater zechut of the opportunity not just to write a letter but to write the ץ, the final Tzaddik.
I firmly believe that “coincidences are simply miracles wherein Hashem chooses to remain anonymous” and as such, there really are no coincidences. I thus sought to figure out why Daniel specificallyhad that letter.
We read in Gal Einai that there is a verse which talks of צדיק באמונתו אחיה- “the tsaddik who lives in his faith,” which means that to be a צדיקwe have to experience the greatest joy in our service to Hashem (as we learn from Tanya). We then find that the original spelling of צדיקis actually צדיwhich means “to hunt,” which in this case refers to “hunting, then eating to the satisfaction of his soul.” It is also the one who seeks “truth, loving justice, fairness, straight and full honesty.” In addition, the actual letterץ is a yud and a nun sofit together which together is 710 (which added up is 8!) which is נסתר which means hidden which is also referred to with the ץ. We’re not talking your standard Tzaddik here, we’re talking of a hidden one; one who has to go and hunt for righteousness; one who has to seek justice.
Why was he called Daniel and became a lawyer? Justice. The 710 is the 8 ball. And the explanation for the hidden is that he may not initially appear as you’re obvious צדיקbut with the “seeking of truth, loving justice and fairness” he figured out a way to get Shlomo to lead us in our תפילהand growth as a קהילה.
There are no coincidences in this world; only miracles where Hashem appears נסתר ; it is our responsibility to figure out the revelation.
I firmly believe that “coincidences are simply miracles wherein Hashem chooses to remain anonymous” and as such, there really are no coincidences. I thus sought to figure out why Daniel specificallyhad that letter.
We read in Gal Einai that there is a verse which talks of צדיק באמונתו אחיה- “the tsaddik who lives in his faith,” which means that to be a צדיקwe have to experience the greatest joy in our service to Hashem (as we learn from Tanya). We then find that the original spelling of צדיקis actually צדיwhich means “to hunt,” which in this case refers to “hunting, then eating to the satisfaction of his soul.” It is also the one who seeks “truth, loving justice, fairness, straight and full honesty.” In addition, the actual letterץ is a yud and a nun sofit together which together is 710 (which added up is 8!) which is נסתר which means hidden which is also referred to with the ץ. We’re not talking your standard Tzaddik here, we’re talking of a hidden one; one who has to go and hunt for righteousness; one who has to seek justice.
Why was he called Daniel and became a lawyer? Justice. The 710 is the 8 ball. And the explanation for the hidden is that he may not initially appear as you’re obvious צדיקbut with the “seeking of truth, loving justice and fairness” he figured out a way to get Shlomo to lead us in our תפילהand growth as a קהילה.
There are no coincidences in this world; only miracles where Hashem appears נסתר ; it is our responsibility to figure out the revelation.